Exodus 29, (click me...)

Catching Up

Snow fell. It silences and softens a crackly withered landscape. It forces you to be still a little bit. To breathe. To sigh. To smile and shrug your shoulders up a little bit.
Backed into a garage waiting for 21 to arrive. Silently, Prayerfully. Who is this guy?



I'm starting to know. It's terrifyingly exciting and dependable and secure all at the same time.



I'm starting to know less and less about more and more. And it's ok. No one likes a know it all. Like why is it better to sit in public and not hold the hand of the person you are crazy about? Surrounded by sullen married people in a restaurant both saddened and angered me. (no mom, not you and dad.. you two are anything but sullen). What was the point? Choose joy for pete's sake. Choose to be enamored, choose to have some fellowship. Choose to talk about more than dumb gross surface things. Cant we talk about the deep stuff? Why do we avoid community like the plague? Why do we pretend it's all we want when we do not really want it? There things we are carrying with us that we shouldn't carry alone.


There used to be a tirade here..but I decided it's not real.. I'm just looking for a softer place to land. Anyone?


I need to be more forgiving. More understanding. Lord have mercy.


I need to moisturize. Brisk Indiana winds have ripped off my skin cells by the trillion. Leaving a tight crunchy surface that threatens to start a fire on my polyester hotel 'comforter'. Anybody need a blade sharpened? Take my left heel...


I need to not be black headed anymore. My "caRcasian" scalp burned with the second dose of chemicals of the day. Not cool. Blond roots are not cool.



New boots are cool.



Talking to sweet wonderful Angela is cool. I think she was put on this earth so that I wouldn't be alone. To think a thought is to have her understand it, speak truth to it, and not judge it, all in the same turn. She is my dearest. She is my girl crush and I will shout it from the rooftops. I will ride my tooth bike to Indiana talking to her on the phone for the rest of my days. Seems unfair that I don't get more credit for appreciating her in the kingdom of God. You know.. because it's upside down and all. You get more brownie points for learning to like the un-likeable.. but Angie is so stinkin likeable she blows my heavenly handicap! Dirty!

The team got back together this weekend to celebrate one of the most shining examples of humanity that I know. I can't really put adequate words to Alia, how sweet, genuine and just angelically good that she is. She and her unborn baby 'Timalia' and her family were here this past weekend along with some others. It is always good times to reunite and remember one of the best functional groups of people that I have ever been a part of. Out of the blue, T-Raj came to the festivites Friday night with a most interesting and unexpected aura. Bubbly, happy, speaking of 'being in church' which thrills me, and raises a zillion questions that I can't ask.
Alia and I kinda have "mirrored" images of hair... nice part yes? I also forget how tall she it.. I was wearin flats, but she towers over me.. Don't be fooled.

AND Don't you ever count out a basketball team that is under Coach Nancy Fahey. A team which stated out the season 1-3 or something has blossomed into a contender in the UAA, after losing their starting point guard who was last years rookie of the year, and graduating their leading scorer from last year who dropped 23 a game! A team with two healthy seniors on it, a senior playing with a bionic shoulder and the rest, inexperienced sophomores. They went 2-0 this weekend and into sole possesion of first in the UAA. It's the halfway point and the road trips are infront of us, not behind us... so it's still early. But just goes to show you what an amazing program Washington University womens b-ball really is. Ok I may be a LITTLE biased. But this is the first time we've been underdogs. Which is a scary place to put us. Go ahead leave us out of the top 25 ranking for the first time in nine years... see what happens with that. See how that goes for ya. It's hoops time and I'm fired up.

This is Great...

Great weekend all in all. I gotta start off with something that made me laugh in that way that I do when I can't breathe.

I'm sitting on the bleachers watching the Wash U NYU game this past Sunday, all of a sudden, I see this long oblong thing out of the corner of my eye...rolling. Rolling exactly parallel to the court...rolling so fast. Then I see a sandy haired little boy chasing after the object I at first thought it was a cigar or something... The gal I was sitting with then identifies the object and exclaims: "Whoop, runaway hotdog!" Oh that thing was rollin' so fast, I don't know how it got going quite that fast.. but the kid had obviously dropped it. The kid chases it down, before it goes onto the court and scoops it up and slaps it into the bun. "Five Second Rule".

I wish you could have seen this hotdog. Rolled evenly in court dirt. It was awesome. Wash u has the best hotdogs.. they are much like the ones you could get at Busch Stadium.

I don't think this was quite as funny to anyone else.. but I was DYING. It was just rolling so fast... oh the runaway hotdog... I swear I'm sitting here laughing just thinking of it.

One Day More

Wow. What a difference a day makes. Just A day ago, I was not communicating well with my man, fighting with co-workers, feelin groggy, didn't drink a monster ('monster' being the new favorite low-cal low-carb energy bervage that some describe as liquid cocaine) lost two of three in a marathon volleyball match and mistook Phil Woods for my boyfriend on the phone... it was traumatic, don't ask.

Today started off with a Monster! (mmmm mama like...) Ended with all being right with the world again. In the space between, I : A. reconnected with one of my best grade school friends from Texas via the myspace world, B. Was so stinkin proud of my Monty on the radio today talking about how the parents of the Hornbeck boy are nuts for putting that kid on Oprah so soon after the trauma. C. Went to ON TAP and realized I have come a long LONG way in my struggle to see myself as beautiful. D. Received a free stay at the company condo! Woo Hoo. E. Got some fresh advice from a co-worker in the matters of life that matter. F. Got some good work done today. G. Read more Exodus. H. Resurrected my love for chicken parts with the advent of a new poppyseed dressing. Something I 've always loved about processed compressed breaded chicken matter slathered in the gooey sweetness of poppyseed sauce. Love it. It's strange and it's going to kill me on day, but I'll die happy.

I'm sure there were more good things. Many more. It is good when it takes more energy to count ones blessings than it does to count ones pains. Some will point and call me a Pollyanna. I will not care.

I will have joy. Just a smidge... on toast points. You must try one.

"Everybody Loves You?"

And other phrases that inspire neurosis....

"Bless your Heart"
"I very much like your dress, it does wonders for your figure"
"Has anyone ever told you that you remind them of Courtney Love?"

I thought I would have more of these...

Feel free to add your favorite non-complimentary compliment.

Tired

I'm tired of fighting.
I'm not made for it. But you, Lord, massive, mighty Lord, are in control.
I'm not made to pave my own way.. I'm not built for the war for truth. I'm quite certain I'm not even built for this world. I have tried to become that which life has required me to be.
I've tried hard to be the girl that can take care of herself. But time and time again, I fail miserably.
I try to obtain significance.

Jesus.. if only I believed that you are my sole source of significance.

If I could only convince the world that I AM significant because of you. If only they would recognize your blood on me.

If only I found everyone else in my life as significant as YOU find them to be.

Come, Already! My heart is heavy. It's work to carry it around in my chest. Feels as if I've been given an x-ray apron and instructions to run. If I didn't have this stupid heart, it would be easier. Oh yes easier.

Is it wrong to be so sensitive?

I think PMS kicks my ass every month and I'm suprised by it every time.

Pillar of Pants.

Hello all,

I have been inspired to take an inventory by many things this blustery evening. I am inspired by reading Christmas blogs, and Christmas e-mails from people I haven't heard from in ages. Also inspired by reading the bible and praying this evening with Tim on the phone. Nothing I like better than pointing and snickering at the patriarchs only to realize that, we too, are hopeless broken pieces of creation. Nothing better thing than finding those truths in the crinkly pages of scripture with someone you care about very much. At any rate, it's time for the year end inventory. Not to be confused with the year-end 'pant' inventory I did today after finally washing every single article of clothing that I own. (I have two plaid pairs, two navy pairs, two long black pairs, two corduroy pairs, one sizzly red pair, two brown pairs, one olive green pair, two khaki pair, two pinstriped pair and two grey pair. Not counting jeans, Capri's and gauchos, I think that's a mighty solid inventory.) The patriarchs measured wealth in goats and sheep and cattle. I think pants are a suitable modern equivalent. That means, I am one blessed cookie. These aren't ordinary pants either.. they are extra long for my 6'2" frame mind you, so I consider myself extra blessed that they even exist in such abundance. Praise God. And I'm so not even being irreverent about that.

"And God said to Lindsey... let the pants come two by two into your closet that is only one cubit by a half cubit in size... "

Anyway.. I have a lot of pants. Which is necessary in my line of work. Construction liaisons can't really wear skirts and be taken seriously, or climb ladders, or scaffolds..(Mom, close your eyes..I don't climb anything dangerous.....and I certainly don't walk around on the roof amongst gaping holes that don't have guardrails...no really).

This is the year Monty moved here. He moved here to meet me. We can't figure out any other reason why he came here, but I am very glad he did. I guess it was also to see the Cards win a World Series... but I think that isn't even a distance second place to him.

So..... in the name of inventory. You've waited a year for it. and here it is without further adieu... the "Best" List of 2006,

Best New Marriages: Dee Dee and Shaun, Phil and Becca, Pat and Katie, Anne and Jim, Daniel and Nicole, Of Course Markus and Annie.

Best New Babies: Dan and Caroline, Blazer and Rachel, Sweeney and uh.. Sweeney, Soon to be Stiles and Shearman..High Honorable Mention to Niece Reese (not really a baby and not really my niece, but precious and wonderful just the same as a 2 year old First Cousin Once Removed).

Best Wedding Reception: Pat and Katie (most because I actually had a date that wasn't ashamed of my dance moves and because it had Scott Sauls gettin' jiggy wit it).

Best Use of Aluminum Foil: This.

Best Honor Received By A Friend: Liz and her amazing work for the black rep which won her beau coup props in the ad community and even more of my adoration... if that is possible. Best Shortening of a Church Name: "Greentree Community Church in Webster Groves" to "Riverside Church".

Best 70th birthday party: My Grandma Merrill's Luau.

Best Boyfriend Ever: Eoin Timothy Montemayor (a.k.a. my diamond in the rough).

Best Grassroots Community Movement: The Thursday nite girls crew at Llwelyns in WG. Whoop Ass, Pub Burgers and Plant Men, Oh My!!

Best Present*: Amy and I going to see the musical Annie at the Fox (*which was my '05 Christmas present).

Best Sermon at Riverside: All of them.

Best Corrective Procedure: Me getting in and out of braces in six months and for *much* less than the price of a small vehicle.

Worst Corrective Procedure: Root Canal.

Saddest but Most "Feel Good" Goodbye: Casey to Chi-town.

Happiest Goodbye: Me to my snaggle tooth (see aforesaid corrective procedure).

Biggest Tragesty (which effectively combines the words "tragedy" and "travesty" into one most heinous word..) \The fact that I haven't been skiing in two years now...Mama ain't happy.

Time that I almost peed my pants: Hanging out at Forsythes with Nick Shea, Casey, Nate, Liz and Dusty. That night was full of spunk.

Best CRB hire: Heather Jobson, awesome.

Best Pool Lessons: Dave and Busters, circa July-ish.

Best Concert: Over the Rhine TWICE once at Cornerstone with Jesse and Ange, and once in St. Louis when I was still trying to pretend I wasn't dating Tim.

Best New Hair Color: Mine going from it's natural dishwater *eh* dark boring blond.. to "PA-ZOW" smokin' hot brunette.

Best Weekend Activity: Grabbing a friend, Liz or Ange, (even Abby on the phone once...) and walking around Forest Park in it's entirety. Two and a half hours of walking. Great for the gams, great for the relationships. Such good, special, de-toxifying times.

Best Random Holiday Gift: Dad giving me a "labor day" present and buying me a snazzy-on sale refubished PUSH mower! Yesssss. Still runs like a top, Dad.

Best night in Downtown St. Louis: The time I went to Mike Shannon's with Monty for the first time, and the night the Cards won the Series. The latter was definitely a plethora of images but the most vivid was a guy running around yelling into his phone very matter-of-factly.."That's a WORLD title, baby.. that's a WORLD title!" I saw the same guy 20 minutes later talking to no one in particular still saying the same thing..."That's a WORLD title, baby.. a WORLD title". St. Louisans LOVE their Cardinals.

Best On Site Assignment: Terre Haute Indiana. Well at least it's a drive, not a flight every week, and at at least it's six months and not six years. At least I got some invaluable experience and got a native guy hired to take my place already so I didn't get stuck out here.

Best Compliment by a Boss: Lindsey, you are a F*&^ing All-Star.

Best Present I Bought Myself: Arrested Developement Season Three: Oh LMAO funny.. Sitting alone in my hotel room laughing out loud.

This year has been one of great reflection, and re-education. It was necessary, but I hope this next year is light on the contemplative and heavy on the action, as I'm ready to get off dead center, and ready to do some shakin... ready to rise up and lay my crown at his wounded feet. I'm ready to jump into life with two feet and ready to grow up some more, and give back some more of the bountiful care that my Savior gives me. Ready to do more little things that matter and not worrying about doing it perfectly, but rather, just worrying about doing it. 'Cause sitting with someone in a nursing home even if you have nothing to say.. and even if she can't hear you anyway..is better than not sitting in a nursing home visiting someone. Ready to be less of a "processor" and more of a "doer" (thank you, TM). I need to be better to my family. I've been such a sucky member of my amazing fam.

Little Miss Sunshine... go rent it.. so good. Such a sweet movie. (thank you LF)

The Bible. Read it again, for the first time. You will see things you didn't see before... I guarantee it. And I guarantee you will be blessed by the evidence of the invisible hand of the very present God in the lives of the people on the pages. You will be awed and amazed and terrified and humbled by the story of the idiots that belong to the Merciful, Mighty God.

And Jacob marked it with a pillar.. he poured out a drink offering and anointed it with oil...because God spoke to him there.

And so... with great joy.. I mark this end of 2006.

(Thanks JC)