We don't change... We are changed.

Sermon at church this week rocked. The message was 1 Corinthians 13 and it blew me away. One probably because I have been so dry and so weary, that this drink of water quenched like nothing else. The idea was so reminicent of my first love. When I first knew that Jesus had to be the answer and the only answer, when you looked long and hard at his life, and couldn't fault him.

You just couldn't do it.

He was wise, He was kind, He was fun, He hung out with people who nobody liked, which, was pretty much everybody. He touched them. He healed them. He SMILED at them. With big white teeth. Even when he was mad at them, there was so much love in his face that you only felt the love part.

And then it changed you.

It changed you because you loved him so much. You didn't get yelled at in a sermon. You didn't feel bad, it was a checklist of rules. It wasn't a 12 step program.

You just wanted to be loved some more. And somehow you knew, that He had love to give you and that he would never run out. So since he had so much, you wanted other people to have it too, to just jump in it and wallow around in it like it was two hundred feet of new fallen snow, together. You didn't care who saw you.

Then you forgot. You cared what they said. You cared what people at church said, you cared that you were just doing stuff wrong. You looked at all the people who claimed to love him too and they kept screwing it up, because they are humans. You vow to do it better, and you screw it up too. You are not immune. People who never knew him see you, and they see you do it wrong, and you mourn. Why aren't you immune? You really really knew him. You could do it better. You try to cover your tracks. Then you step back.. where was I? What am I doing here? This isn't my first love. Looking good was never the point.

In the beginning. He was the point.

Gotta go back to the beginning.