This is the I've-had-it-with-griping gripe. I'm already aware of the hypocrisy of this, no need to point it out.

I've almost had it with cricital, cynical, people who just complain about everything all the time. I really really don't know what to do with all the negative energy I get. Sometimes I spurt it back out at other people, and I hate myself for that. I really feel lately that NOTHING is good enough for anybody. Not the way they play poker, not the way they live their lives, the choices they make, the clothes they wear, the religion they practice, how they practice the religion they've chosen, the color of their skin, the books they read the movies they like, the basketball teams they back. I'm exhausted with it.

I was mainly speaking about people I know and love, and then I go to the supermarket tonite, and I see this bloke YELLING into his speaker cell phone in the matzos ball aisle, "YOU TELL ME THIS IS CUSTOMER SERVICE? THIS ISN'T CUSTOMER SERVICE!! BLAH BLAH YAH YAH WAH WAH.. for like what seemed like several minutes. I DEMAND CUSTOMER SERVICE. Where do we get off?

I could hear the guy three aisles away, everyone was sorta looking at him out of the corner of their eye. I (yes me, the timid one) almost walked up to him and said to him. "Excuse me sir, I am currently trying to decide which of these brands of cereals has the most fiber in it for my hard earned dollar, while simultaneously trying to dodge this other gentleman who seems to be tailing me through the store like a stalker. As you can see, I need some real focus here, can you maybe call your party back later?"

(Aside, yes I know how frustrating customer service departments can be and that
poor guy was probably waiting on the phone an hour, maybe two, heck i'll give
him three, and had a legitimate complaint and he wasn't about to hang up the phone and call back later....It was more the tone...Anyway)

The negativity. I used to care so much what people thought, but now I just think that no matter what you do, people will think what they want to think, and behind closed doors they will rail you no matter what. I don't know how to deal with this truth. I'm very upset by it. Is there no hope for anything? It is so easy. So very very easy to make your candle burn brighter by blowing out someone elses. I know. I do it all the time. I really want to change this about myself. Nothing is that bad. It's much easier to pick apart someone elses effort than to give your own.

I'm at this time in my life when I've just had it. Some people are really really annoying. I want to spin it for God and tell myself that he is using these people to show me the ugliness in my heart and to grow me through it. But I'm just tired of the bitching. I'm tired of listening to it. I'm tired of taking it all so personally. I'm tired of doing it, because everyone does it and there are no answers to most of it. I'm tired of everything being so wrong. I just want to get away from it, I think It's why I'm trying to talk here about things that make me happy. There is too much good to be appreciated to focus on the bad.

Joy is a choice. Someone please make it with me. If you see me in the next week or so, please tell me a happy story. Please make me laugh. Tell me how great your Easter was, how good God has been to you. I'm all for listening and for being an ear for what's really bothering you, but don't bend it that way if you are indulging in confessing the sins of others to me. Start with yours, then we may get somewhere.

I'm drowning in criticism here.

I feel like just a little girl, trying to squeeze drops of good, inspiring, hopeful things out of the rinds of the fruit that has been long gone.