Broken World

Broken Man, Broken Woman.
by Heather Coaster *

TAMAR JUDAH
He died and I waited He died and I waited
And wondered if there would be another man, And wondered if I could afford to lose another son,
Wondered if the empty would go away by my waiting. Wondered if you might go away by my waiting.
I waited for you I waited for you
To tell me what to do To find something to do
And where to go Somewhere to go
And how to make the empty go away. And really just to go away.
But you never came So I never came
You never called I never called
And the empty stayed My own empty grew

I became desparate I became desparate

And hid behind my veil And hid behind your veil
I hoped that you wouldn't see me I hoped that you wouldn't see me
I prayed that you would I feared that you would
I gave you myself I took from you yourself
And settled for the price of a promise And negotiated the price of a promise
A goat. Was that all? My goat. Was that too much?

But I went home But I went home
And tried to forget And forgot
Until the day that forgetting became impossible Until the day that forgetting became impossible
Remembrance was growing inside me Remembrance was growing inside you
They found me out You found me out
And brought me before you They brought you before me
So that you could make me disappear And I no longer had the choice to disappear
But I held your name in my hand You held my name in your hand
Your seed in my womb My seed in your womb

I had fooled you, I had failed you,
Yet still felt alone and afraid, Had left you alone and afraid,
As if the sin was all mine to bear. As if the sin was all yours to bear.
Was your unrighteousness so much less than mine? But your unrighteousness was so much less than mine
My hunger overcame me My hunger overcame me
And now the fire awaits me. And now the fire awaits you.
Why is it mine alone? It is not yours alone.

I'm sorry I fool. I'm sorry you fail. I'm sorry I don't know you yet.