MRI (Murl's Ridiculous Incident)

It's Christmas Eve.

I am thinking about my annual year end letter that I slap up on this blog and I get excited when I think about summarizing things. I like to take stock and bookkeep.

(Little known fact.. BOOKKEEPING has the most double letters in a row of any word in the English language...except for BOOKKEEPER and BOOKKEEP-ERSON.)

Before I take stock of 2009 (and maybe of the decade?) I wanted to let you know I've spent way to much time looking at a recent MRI of my shoulder.

I went to the good people at Missouri Baptist for a contrast media injection. They shoot this dye into your arm joint and then take a picture of it. Simple enough.

I am sure that I was not aware I had to strip down to my socks and underwear to get this procedure. Other wise I would not have brought every bulky belonging I had to the hospital that day. They let you tote your belongings with you in plastic bags. I needed three of them. (Purse, Coat, Clothes, Boots... it adds up.) Well I definitely picked that day to wear boots. Confession time: When I wear boots, I simply do not care about the socks happening underneath them. I wish I had cared a bit more that day because not only was I wearing two different socks, of two different colors, and two different materials (one was like a nylon trouser sock) but they were also two different heights. One was knee high. One was ankle high. I know. Man looketh on the outside, but the Lord looketh upon the socks.

I was draped in the typical gaping open hospital gown, just chatting up the nurse assisting the "Needle-man". Nurse-man was very fun to talk to and witty banter ensued. He assured me that I had the best "needle man" in the hospital, that he comes by special request and that he is very very good at what he does. I'm not scared of needles at all, so I'm wondering why this guy has to be so good at his job. How hard is this gonna be?

I was weirded out that I was being over-assured by nurse-man. So I start to get a little tense about this. And I'm always tense talking to strange men when I'm in a hospital gown and mis-matched socks.

Enter Needle-man. He is very professional and kind and just the level of nerdy that you want in your doctor, even if you may not want to have a beer with him later. I catch an exchange between nurse-man and needle-man:

Nurseman: "Heard you had one spray on you today!"

Needleman: "Yeah that was weird"

(Me... thinking WHAT is spraying exactly?? And from where? I thought this guy was Mister Needle-America?)

Needleman: "It was a faulty syringe, very strange occurance."

(Me...hmm. Ok, whatever.)

I am yoga-breathing trying not to stress out on the table. I like that needle man can laugh at spraying syringes. Glad he's confident enough to joke infront of his next victim. I figure no pain he is about to put me through will be as painful as spiking a volleyball is right now. So I relax considerably and wait.

Needle man explains in great detail again and begins the procedure. They sterile-drape me and are simultaneously taking x-rays to see where the needle is going. (I had no idea this was so complicated...really).

After about 5 minutes I see him laboring and pushing even though I feel nothing. Until

*SQUIRT!!!*

I gasp as a blob of goo lands on my right eye. Thanking the Lord that the body has reflexes and that mine are over-active already, I wonder if I am going to go blind or if this stuff is radio-active. (I know it's not..but I AM in the "nuclear medicine" wing.)

Doc freaks a bit. Asks me if I'm ok and pulls the needle out immediately. Flies around clanking instrument things and yelling STAT. (no not really). He does get a bit frantic and finally wipes me off. "You also have some of this stuff in your hair. It's harmless, but it could get sticky."

Free hair gel. Sweet.

He explains that my shoulder joint is really tight and he was having a hard time getting the needle in. The pressure he was putting on the fluid broke a tube connection leading to the needle and splattered me. So he re-drapes me. Re-iodines me and tries again. He got it in uneventfully this time and had a triumphant puff to himself after he finished. He said "You have the tightest shoulder joint I've ever tried to put a needle in. But we got it!" I wonder if they have an award for the tightest shoulder joint ever...a 'golden ball and socket' perhaps?

Nurse-man then gives me the cursory band-aid and plops me in a wheel chair to be transported to the "tube of uncomfortable vibrations" for the actual imaging. Speaking of images, get this one in your head: Me. My wheelchair. Hospital Gown. My mismatched socks. My three bags of belongings piled up on my lap. My hair that I had to free because of the metal in my hair clip. I looked like a homeless Micheal Bolton. Why am I in a wheelchair? I have no idea.

An hour later, I'm in the tube trying to convince myself that the fillings in my teeth are NOT heating up. (I later was informed that they actually, probably were heating up.)

An hour after that I was given the Coolest CD Ever of my shoulder.

Above are a few shots. I've been trying to self diagnose. I think a partial tear of the supraspinatus. Or just impingement. Or a labral tear. What do YOU think, Docs?