Change and Closure

So I had lunch with my old arch nemesis today. Some of you heard me talk about her and our struggle to coexist peacefully at our office back in the day when our noses sat thirty-five inches away from each other in the tiny office we used to share. We were both proud and stubborn, and so wanting to "fix" the other one in "christian love" that we beat ourselves senseless.

We sat in that room together for almost a year. Polishing. Annoying. Irritating. Ignoring. Sometimes crying. It was awful. A terribly painful and long experience for me and I know for her as well.

I am not a morning person. She actually tried to talk to me before noon. She is a minute detail person. I am a big-picture dynamics person. She stuck her neck out. I buried mine in the sand. She had this sinus thing that drove me crazy, said "Rum" instead of "Room"and well, I'm sure I did somethin.

But we both call ourselves Christians. This means we tried. We really tried to submit and to yield and to give in and give up and let the other one have the honor, only something would always stir our competitive spirits toward one another. We tried and prayed together and shared and stuggled to see eye to eye.

To summarize. Girls are just crazy. Especially girls who feel they still have worth to prove.

We eventually moved out of the same office before I stapled my earlobes shut. She eventually followed God's calling to plant a church out in Seattle near her in-laws. I jokingly told people God took her to Seattle for me. I was kinda relieved, to be honest. Maybe overjoyed was the word. I loved her. I really did. But I didn't like her very much. Now, still working for our company, she flys into the office to do work sometimes. The first time I saw her I didn't know how I would react. We were not friends. We were more than that. It's so weird.

So we kept saying that we needed to get together and catch up when she was in town. Usually when we got together it was one of two things. Her condescending on me. Me feeling my usually-dormant national champion competitive spirit rise up, or worse, us gossiping about anyone and everyone we could in the office. You know, in that crappy way that Christians sometimes do...

Today's lunch started out like any other. We were discussing some drama and what the cures are and why everyone is so negative all the time. Getting rather personal in some instances. And we ordered food at Bread Co and I felt the Spirit say gently "Linz, don't do this. Don't let her do this either she doesn't want that." I, ignored it, and started back in when she sat down, but she interrupted me mid-slander and called herself out and said, "Hey that was kinda gossipy wasn't it? I probably shared too much there. I'm sorry."

What? Who are you and what did you do with my arch nemesis? I'd never heard her call herself out before on that stuff. Especially when it was so heavily me too. It was awesome. I agreed and told her I had been thinking the same thing. We went on to have the best, most refreshing discussion about what God is doing in her life, and her marriage, and her heart. I told her about my new found grace (like cornflakes? "Taste it again, for the first time"). In her, I saw a woman maturing, still struggling to forget her old names, but one who was at PEACE. I used to think she put on this earth soley to get on my nerves. But now, I saw her as Beautiful. It was amazing. God gave me eyes. And I hope she saw what I now am... a person who is so consumed presently with believing who she is in Christ that no longer feels the need to compete and to strive to be liked or respected by her or anyone else.

We talked about the other doors she was closing in St. Louis and how it was timely, because she wasn't really going to be around the office in the forseable future, and maybe never again. It was like God came to lunch with us and said, "Hello Poppets. Not a single second of that time I made you spend together was in vain. Nor will any second anywhere else be wasted, because you are mine. "

Like a real live episode of 'Father Knows Best'.

Anyway. She also spoke of some things in her life that gave me thrills of joy to hear, and I told her how I was falling in love with Jesus again. I never thought we would ever be here. I never thought that she would change or that I would let her.

I'm not sure who bent more. I used to care who got that credit. But now I realize, that since we met in a mid-point at all, it means that it doesn' t really matter who bent more, because we got there. Got to this sparsely-inhabited land called "Unity". The credit really isn't ours to claim anyway.

God, in his mercy, ties up every loose end. Bottles every tear, only gives you what you can handle and will force you into situations that make NO worldly sense, that are strictly for Kingdom gain. I don't know how this story will glorify God really , because no one really knows it, but I pray it serves as a reminder of how intricately and SLOWLY he sometimes sanctifies us. This is over the course of 4 years, which in reality, is light speed, but I'm overjoyed at the moment. For the balm that God is pouring on my ripped and wounded places, for removal of old thorns in my side, and for his mysterious weave of 'coincidences' to glorify himself and bless the crap out of me. For freedom to love without condition.

I have tasted. The Lord is good. Hope that doesn't smack of Christian-ese. I'd rip out my heart and take a picture of it, if it could help you see what drives the words.

I THOUGHT I could!!!

We won a blue ribbon!! Well kids, the train that we built out of 2000+ cans of tuna, pork and beans, and pineapple is a winner. It got judged today at the St. Louis Mills mall, and won "Best Use of Labels". If you are in the area and want to see it, it's by the glow in the dark putt-putt place. There is still an award at large for Peoples Choice, so if you are there between now and November 17th, drop a vote for this little guy.
Chinese Dragon won jurors favorite which is sort of equivalent to "best in show". So the way i figure it, we got second ;). Hooray!
Here are some others that were there:
Chinese Dragon

Oscar the Grouch













Rosie the Riveter

Hungry Hungry Hippo:

Joy.

Yeah that's it.

Joy.

Oh yeah, and don't see Jarhead... unless you were a marine. Then see it and let me know if it's real. And if it's real...

Gross.

Call My Name.

The Neverending Story is my all time favorite movie. It was the first movie that I cried for joy in. You know at the end when Atreyu is riding through the field on Artax, and the music is playing. Man I just started blubbering and couldn't stop. I'm like 4. "Mom why am I crying and not sad?"

It stayed with me. Another quote that stayed with me throughout my life is this one:

Engywook: Next is the Magic Mirror Gate. Atreyu will have to look his true self in the face.

Falcor: So? That shouldn't be so hard.

Engywook: Oh, that's what everyone thinks! But kind people find out that they are cruel. Brave men find out that they are really cowards! Confronted by their true selves, most men run away, screaming!

The existance of the whole world of Fantasia hinged on whether or not this Empress got a new name.

Childlike Empress: "Born of the Word, the children of man, Or humans as they're sometimes called, Have had the gift of giving names. Ever since our worlds
began."

This flick is full of spirtual parallels. I thought of this the other night when Mike was speaking at Damascus Road. He talked about a very odd exchange in the Bible when Jacob was wrestling with God. I never really understood it until I looked, really looked (or, rather, Mike looked) at what was being said:

27 The man asked him, "What is your name?"
"Jacob," he answered.
28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."

What is the deal? How cryptic! The key is what the name Jacob means. It means "he who deceives". I was reading this back story on a recent trip and I could NOT for the life of me figure out what was going on. Jacob and Esau. Fighting inside the womb.

Esau is an idiot. He sells his birthright to second born Jacob for a bowl of stew. But then Jacob steals his fathers blessing by dressing up like a goat to trick his blind father into thinking that he is the hairy red headed brother Esau. It's like a hebrew soap opera. But then Jacob in the end gets the blessing from God and from his father and all the marbles. Why? He cheated! It's not fair.

That's right. It's not.

That, I think, is the point. Jacob says "I will not let you go until you bless me". God says "What is your name?" And Jacob, exhausted from the fight, ashamed and beaten says "'The one who deceives'. That's my name. That's who I am."

But God says no. He says. "Your name will no longer be that, it will be "Israel" because you have struggled with God and men and overcome. I no longer see you as the deceiver that you were."

A new name. God gives us a new name after he beats us. After we cry uncle. We get to shed our old skin. Our old name. And it's beautiful defeat. Our hip is out of socket, and we walk with a limp from now on. But we have a new name. And we must not take it in vain.

But doesn't it drive you crazy? It's totally backwards. God wins. He takes the championship belt and the crown of roses and the robe with his name on it, and walks over to your corner and puts it on your head, and around your waist, and across your shoulders and carries you out to the shouts of the crowd to your astonishment and shock at first, then to your delight.

What is the name I used to have? Slut. Coward. Cheat. Lazy. What is my new name? Beloved. Forgiven. Daughter. Sister. Bride. He tells me again in Hosea. And again in Isaiah. And again in Romans. And again and again and again.

But we have an accuser who seeks to assist us in reminding us of our old names. Much like the thing in the Neverending Story:

G'mork: Fantasia has no boundaries.
Atreyu: That's not true. You're lying.
G'mork: Foolish boy. Don't you know anything about Fantasia? It's the world of human fantasy. Every part, every creature of it, is a piece of the dreams and hopes of mankind. Therefore, it has no boundaries.
Atreyu: But why is Fantasia dying then?
G'mork: Because people have begun to lose their hopes and forget their dreams, so the Nothing grows stronger.
Atreyu: What is the Nothing?
G'mork: It's the emptiness that's left. It's like a despair, destroying this world. And I have been trying to help it.
Atreyu: But why?
G'mork: Because people who have no hopes are easy to control. And whoever has ontrol has... the power!
Atreyu: Who are you really?
G'mork: I am the servant of the power behind the Nothing. I was sent to kill the only one who could have stopped the Nothing. I lost him in the Swamps of Sadness. His ame was Atreyu.

But Atreyu got through the Magic Mirror Gate. And past the Sphinx, whose eyes stay closed, until someone who does not feel his own worth tries to pass by.

Add this movie to my list of stuff I want.

Stuff I want*

I know this is weird, but I've never really had a list this long or expensive before. Thought I'd let you in on this:

1. Gas powered Leaf Blower
2. Digital Camera
3. A cheap fixer for my "HP" ipod.
4. Socks. Fun ones. Big ones.
5. A bathroom in my basement.
6. A volleyball court in my back yard.
7. Not another dish in my kitchen
8. The West Wing season 5!!!!!
9. Square One TV. In any viewable shape or form. DVD. VHS.
10. Braces.
11. A big fat power washer.
12. A new haircut with blonde in it.
13. A sugar daddy to purchase all of these things.

*of course this list is material, foolish and mostly said in jest...i have all i need, and then some....
**and "Knowing is half the battle" and other good moral redemptive stuff.

It's the MOST wonderful day of the year!

That's right.

The day where we gain an hour. Oh joy. That's sixty whole more minutes to do whatever it is you want to do . I was once asked what my favorite holiday is (I'm sure it was by Casey at a South City diner nite) and my unequivical answer was this day. This is literally better than Christmas for me. AND THIS daylight savings day was better than most.





Today I defeated a fear. A long standing childhood fear.

Of the riding lawn mower.

When I was about 11 I jumped off of one and ran screaming into the house. I am startled very easily, and incredibly gun shy, so loud noises tend to set me off, and the whir of the giant rotating blades skeered the begeezus out of me. I was up and outta there faster than a long tailed cat in a roomful of rockin chairs. Now, in my adulthood, I see them putt along at all of 3 mph and this fear has seemed rather silly. But I had never overcome this, or needed to.

But today... I was victorious. After figuring out the mystery of operation, (Amy, I attribute ignition success to my "myst" honed skills. ) I rode around the yard about thirty times. It was liberating. I definitely called like three people, including my roomate who was inside the house. It was fist-pumping amazing. Wow. I'm now a completely self-sufficient homeowner, no need to hire a lawn boy.

ALSO (as if this day could hold any more joy) I hung my two person hammock today. My mom procured a perfectly good one from Goodwill for 13 bucks. Two trips to Lowe's, four s-hooks and three feet of chain later...I am in hog heaven. I think if I died today, I'd say I lived a full and rewarding life, chock full of the blessings of God.

I'm very proud of me for the riding mulching I did today. I'm very happy and the rain held off today long enough for me to take a legitimate nap in my hammock and for me to plop a second person in it and talk about life. I'm very happy that I got to share this day with some people I love, and very happy that I went to Church today. For the first time in awhile, I truly worshipped, and there was an illustration using Sea Monkeys.

Put a couch back in the kitchen. A couchen... rather. And resurrected the tree people in art form. All in all. A great day.

I beat the mower. Huzzah!

Culprit Found!!

I can rest in peace.

Okay I give..again.

After a really humorous day of accusing everyone in my office of the aforementioned prank, the mysterious anonymous comment mystery has been solved. But this ghoster poster didn't commit the crime. Only messing with my head. It's not that hard to do.

Anyway this still leaves me with an unanswered bit of questions. WHO did this? And now, the pool of potentials has now re-expanded to included just about anyone.

To further increase the irony (this is probably a story, like a lot of my stories, that are only funny to me, so bear with) This morning. The heinous yellow chair is out at the curb for the trash pickup, and my roomate wakes up and notices that the chair is gone, but the trash hasn't come yet. Nice. Now either the perp came back and took the chair for further tomfoolery, or someone random now has themselves a *new* piece of furniture.

I should check my roof and the backyard to make sure it is indeed gone. But I fear this is a mystery that will remain a mystery for the ages.

But if you are out there, tell me who you are so I can properly give you your kudos for making me crazy.

And speaking of kudos, dish a few to Willie! for the pic. And no this wasn't the actual chair. But close in it's yellow-ness.

And it's chair-ness.

Murl out.

The Best Part of Waking Up............................... Is Soldiers in Your Cup

Or rather, the best part of coming home from a long week is finding a spattering of green army men and a rat-nasty yellow chair in your front yard, a door mat with a weird birdhouse on it, tinsel and signs saying "This Thanksgiving, Eat Chicken... *Heart* Tom Turkey" Hmm. Who are these people? And why have they not come forward? I do not understand. I have covered the obvious bases. Willie! is innocent. Casey was sick. Deana told me about seeing the chair before I got home (maybe that's a cover.. but I doubt it). The first gut reaction was DeeDee and Becky, cause I missed her birthday party... but they seem clueless too. Whoever you are you have had me. I am had. And I salute you publicly. Good game. Tell me who you are.

Always something I wonder when I'm gone for a week is if I'm missed. It's a silly thing to wonder, but it is at the core of my curiousity. Did anyone even know I was gone? I'm gone alot. It's becoming more frequent.

People can convince themselves of anything when they are trying to stand in a Southwest line. "That? That's not the line. Obviously only people who are standing UP can hold a place in line." Total abandonment of any rational thought or any consideration for fellow man. This guy also happened to be decked out from head to toe in Harley-Davidson gear. I'm just sayin.

Seriously, he thought he was going to cut infront of 12 people because they were not standing up. Wow. I was really nice, but WOW. That guy was seriously delusional. And I think he got away with it somehow. He turned a perfectly orderly line into a funnel of frenzy. Felt like it was wartime Russia and everyone was biting, kicking and grabbing for the last potato.

But my cause was upheld and the sweet man in the very front of the line let me infront of him after the evil chaos creator busted my chops and the chops of 7 sweet ladies from Nebraska.

And Molnar, I met Gary from BRI in that very same line if you are reading this. We chatted about you for a bit. It was eerie.

Also eerie is that upon wandering the strip in Vegas on a nite that we weren't scheduled to be there, going the absolute wrong way from where we were going, we ran smack into the Sullivans. SO very random. Shared three years of intense life on the b-ball team with their daughter and my folks spent three years with them in the stands. It brought tears to my eyes to see them so randomly. Randomly. Ha. As if anything is really random.

As if me asking God to show himself to me in the worldliest of places, among the worldiest of people, in my skeptical heart would go unanswered. By random conversations. By people talking about Jesus on the tee box much to the chagrin of everyone in the stands. By the woman sitting next to me on the plane reading "Dinner with a Perfect Stranger." By the beauty of his creation. By the lack of him, actually. The emptiness that is there when he is not. I could feel it. And it's cold, lonely, hard and sad but it feels normal, you know.. not sacred. You know when you have been in sacred moments. When you are on the octobery front porch sipping tea laughing talking with your girl crush and your favorite brother. When you have tears streaming down your face at the car wash on the phone to your best friend because you aren't sure of anything except for the fact that you don't know shit and a hand wax is way too expensive when there are starving people around. When you see that there are quite a handful of folks who could have "lawn art-ed" your house when you were gone and you find out that you were indeed missed. When you realize that you are sorta stealing this line of thinking from a book called Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, but keep writing it just the same because it just rings true and I don't think he'd mind. I like the sacred moments.

Someone found a Starbucks part 2.

Yes.. I just wanted to update the update on a few things.

First. Snuggles is dead. Okay, he wasn't actually dead, but he was really close, he had stopped swimming...just to clear my conscious. He was a good fish. He lasted a year. Which, in my care, is a year longer than anyone thought he would last. I flushed him Monday morning October 17 at 11:05 am. Death at sea. In his last days he was surrounded by friends and wide-eyed onlookers, and quizzical looks. "What is wrong with him?" Some say fin rot. Some say a broken spirit. Some say a mini-fish stroke left him paralyzed on one side so that, at the end, he would struggle up to the surface, miss the food that I sprinkled, and listlessly float back to the turquoise rock bottom.

He was a good pet, even though you could never snuggle with him. He will be missed...

Sorta.


Two. We are here in Mesquite, NV for the Remax World Long drive competition. Dusty is in Group 1. You can follow him here live if you care. Dusty fought the good fight *shanked* one 326 yards. Time expired on his last ball because he picked up a mis-manufactured tee and couldn't get the ball to stay on it. Very hard to watch. But there were definitely guys hitting their best balls 326 yards. So he'll be back. I know he will be. Felt better as the day went on and some other well known guys were hitting OB on all six tries. A sport of luck. I think I will also try to be there next year. Overall, fun times in Mesquite Nevada, home of more golf courses than stop lights, and of the ridiculously cheap prime rib buffet.

Three. Just so you know where I get that thing where something stupid makes me laugh non-stop uncontrollably. It's from my mom. Oh man. Never in my life had I seen her laugh so hard. She would slow down and say "oh back spasm" and then start right back up again. Later she tells me it was a response to cut the tension of me trying to navigate my directionally challenged dad through the streets of Las Vegas. He was driving full speed and we A-Teamed it over a speed barricade (bump just doesn't seem to do this thing justice).

Anyway. Cards lose. Dusty lost. Good thing the scenery here is beautiful..

Christianity is Foolish

It really is.. It's like Alice in the Looking Glass:

"Now, if you'll only attend, Kitty, and not talk so much, I'lltell you all my ideas about Looking-glass House. First, there's the room you can see through the glass -- that's just the same as our drawing room, only the things go the other way. I can see all of it when I get upon a chair -- all but the bit behind the fireplace. Oh! I do so wish I could see THAT bit! I want so much to know whether they've a fire in the winter: you never CAN tell, you know, unless our fire smokes, and then smoke comes up in that room too -- but that may be only pretence, just to make it look as if they had a fire. Well then, the books are something like our books, only the words go the wrong way; I know that, because I've held up one of our books to the glass, and then they hold up one in the other room. `How would you like to live in Looking-glass House, Kitty? I wonder if they'd give you milk in there? Perhaps Looking-glass milk isn't good to drink -- But oh, Kitty! now we come to the passage. You can just see a little PEEP of the passage in Looking-glass House, if you leave the door of our drawing-room wide open: and it's very like our passage as far as you can see, only you know it may be quite different on beyond. Oh, Kitty! How nice it would be if we could only get through into Looking-glass House! I'm sure it's got, oh! such beautiful things in it! Let's pretend there's a way of getting through into it, somehow, Kitty. Let's pretend the glass has got all soft like gauze, so that we can get through. Why, it's turning into a sort of mist now, I declare! It'll be easy enough to get through -- ' She was up on the chimney-piece while she said this, though she hardly knew how she had got there. And certainly the glass WAS beginning to melt away, just like a bright silvery mist. In another moment Alice was through the glass, and had jumped lightly down into the Looking-glass room. The very first thing she did was to look whether there was a fire in the fireplace, and she was quite pleased to find that there was a real one, blazing away as brightly as the one she had left behind. `So I shall be as warm here as I was in the old room,' thought Alice: `warmer, in fact, because there'll be no one here to scold me away from the fire. Oh, what fun it'll be, when they see me through the glass in here, and can't get at me!' Then she began looking about, and noticed that what could be seen from the old room was quite common and uninteresting, but that all the rest was a different as possible... ...Here something began squeaking on the table behind Alice, and made her turn her head just in time to see one of the White Pawns roll over and begin kicking: she watched it with great curiosity to see what would happen next...."

It doesn't make any sense. The last shall be first and the first shall be last. The smartest people aren't the most righteous? The meek inherit the earth. The kingdom belongs to the persecuted, the poor in spirit, those who thirst and hunger.

Things really only make you happy when you share them or give them away.

And unless you come like a child. Like a child. Unless you trust like a child, you will not understand.

It's exactly backwards.

God...why did you set it up this way, why is your way so foreign to us? Why when I try to explain to someone who isn't a citizen of the kingdom they say something like "You can't stand in the way of a bull and expect him not to charge you just because you are a vegetarian?" Or something equally clever (thanks for that one Ziegler) that makes me think 'no... of course I can't argue with that.' I can't argue Jesus. I can't make belief of a baby in a manger and mere death on a cross of ONE man make sense. I don't understand how that distinguishes eternal life and eternal shame.

That is... apart from the fact that it's true.

I cannot make it make sense to you. But it makes sense to me.

I can, however tell you how many times I've doubted and had questions or struggled with something and a voice, a voice, a personal, unbelievably strong, loving voice answers and brings encouragement and wisdom. Sure maybe it's power of suggestion, maybe it's all in my head.

But it isn't.

17Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 18Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. 19In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.
20[Lindsey], guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, 21which some have professed and in so doing have wandered from the faith. Grace be with you.

The kingdom of God makes no sense. But it is a better kingdom. I cannot prove it. But it's not my job to prove it. It's my job to live it. The best that I can. With help from God himself.

The most important button

That you ever push, is sometimes the one that turns your alarm clock ON.

Career suicide.

Bleck.

Thanks and Praises

This is my favorite painting of all time. I used to have it when I was in college, as just a poster carelessly tacked on the wall. I used to just stare at it all the time, but somewhere along the trail, I lost it. I haven't seen it anywhere in stores lately.
Thanks and praises to mister Bernard Hoyes. I like your roy-g-biv-ness.

Last Sunday was Deana's last at DR. It's weird to me. She was the reason I stuck around in the first place. I'd never met anyone who didn't care what you thought of her, she was going to tell you the truth no matter what it cost her. I'm glad that we got to try to honor her a little bit. I was very glad to be a part of a group of people who were honoring someone like her. In a day and age where I'm ashamed of people and our culture and myself a good deal of the time. I'm proud of her. Because more often than not she chooses to do the right thing versus the easy thing. Someone who dies to herself all the time. Someone who cares about the little guy because she was the little guy. Who instead of treating people the way she was treated, treats them the way she wishes she was treated. God showed me more of what he is like through her. Of course shes not perfect. But I'm better for knowing her. And that... is the gospel.

That's what we are supposed to be here.

God oh please, help me make people want to know you better. I admit. I stink at it.

International Big Deal..

Heh heh. He won in Jamaica, mon. He was there when I was in Europe and this is a list he sent me of the things HE learned while there:
1) Kingston is not a tourist town...old people...leave the reebok workout suits and cameras..the images there will burn memories in your retinas greater than any solar eclipse could do.

2) Dont lick the sidewalk no matter how good it looks

3) Dreadlocks thicker than firehoses do exist....

4)Jamaicans apparently like to blare american music..especially a nice rendition of "o'holy night" no matter what season it is

5) they use the word "mon" as a comma..mon

6) I know a great bathroom in the hilton where you can obtain a nice contact buzz

7) Americans are often referred to as the white devil

8) a 60 jamaican dollar tip will even piss the homeless off....apparently its like 12 cents american

9) Goats are like the american racoon or opossum

10) Jamaicans do not like David Hassselhoff

11) Apparently im like an international long drive champion...im kind of a big deal there

12) dont go there

Lists

Casey recently picked up this list that I left lying around my house. Even as I wrote it, I thought to myself, I better destroy this later, or atleast not leave it out, because this is an odd list of things to just leave lying around. He got a chuckle out of this:

-make-up
-Sunday School
-Beth W
-Bioeractors
-train stuff
-liz on Sunday.

I have to agree, it is rather random. I have to admit, I got only two of these accomplished.

That's why I don't make lists. The failure feeling is just too great. And for those of you wondering what a bioreactor is, I have posted a picture of one.


There you go, that's what I do. That's how I roll. Those are what I put on my lists of things to do...

I've been running around like crazy lately, not blogging. Company golf tournament, bunch of meetings and just returning to my normal self after jet lag has all precluded my terribly interesting website being updated. That and lack of terribly interesting things to write. I mean, how do you top Europe? I'll keep tryin...

Chronicles of Murl: Things I learned in Europe

1. Lufthansa is the European word for "Lost Luggage". Mine was lost twice. Had to buy skivvys in a little lingerie store in Vicenza, Italy. I'm putting them on my expense report.

2. Found out that I must be more German that I think. It's my love for the unifying beer drinking songs. "All Australians are born Illegitimate, born illegitimate, born illegitimate...."

3. All Italians know the words to "Country Road". They wear matching T-shirts and sit together in one big group at Oktoberfest. Yeah All of them.

4. Oktoberfest is not a thing for Germany. It's a thing for Bavaria. What does that mean? Bavaria=Texas. Lederhosen and the frilly dresses= Cowboy boots and hats. Ahh... It all makes sense now.

5. People hate Americans because of our Military presence. Not because we are there, but because when we are there we are egotistical, arrogant, ignorant, disrespectful jerks with guns and buzz cuts who carry vodka in a camel back while running. (Don't write letters, I just met two of them, but they tainted my view immensly, for all of you Europeans, we are all not like that).

6. Trains are awesome. Riding in cars with natives is not. I am normally not motion sick.

7. If you lose your luggage once, and you buy really expensive skivvys, you should pack at least one of them in your carry on from that point on... because lightning can strike twice.

8. Course number 5 or 6 of a good meal is heaven on wheels... the cheese cart. Heck yeah.

9. You would think that while you are sitting drinking wine in an outdoor cafe on a piazza at sunset, watching the people mill around casually and unhurriedly, dodging bicycles laden with loaves of bread, not a car in sight, not a building newer than a thousand years old, that you couldn't feel more removed from America. Then the music from the string quartet wafts over to your table. Rich cellos and violins echo off the walls of the buildings. It's "Memory" from CATS. You scan the grounds to see if you can throw yourself infront of a Vespa.

10. You know that you better have a map handy when you ask the train station ticket lady to repeat what she just said in English and she replies "That was English".

11. You probably just got screwed when the weinerschnitzel cart vendor says "That will be twenty" and you say "Euros?" and he pauses and says "Sure"

12. Adapters are not enough. You need the transformer. A fried cell phone charger means you call your parents from a strangers cell phone in line at the airport because you don't know anyones phone number by heart.

13. Jim Garner is a rock star. I didn't really learn that in Europe.

14. If you are shaving in a foreign country, put your razor completely back in it's case before shoving your hand into your bathroom kit.

15. Flights that have people on them who have heart attacks over the Atlantic turn around, fly an hour in the opposite direction and land in Iceland. They remove the patient, and then after refueling, have to remove the patients UNATTENDED LUGGAGE. Flights that have this happen on them tend to miss the connecting flight...and the next connecting flight...and the next one....

16. I cry much more easily at movies on airplanes. Sure Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, that just means I'm a cheeseball. But Monster-In-Law? I'm certifiable.

17. When changing your pants on a train infront of lederhosen-clad adolescents, you should probably put something over you.

18. Six million Germans agree. Oktoberfest Rocks. I know this because I asked them, they were all sitting at my table.

19. In Munich, there are Houston Astro fans. I knew wearing my Cardinals shirt to Oktoberfest was a great idea.

20. In Italy dinner lasts 4 hours. But that's only if you are with Amerian clients. If you are not...it lasts 6.

21. Swizterland is the most beautiful place I've ever seen.

22. The world is really big. My mind tends to be really small.

23. I love Coke with ice in it.

24. I like water without bubbles in it.

25. I like America. But I like the way the Europeans do some things too. Like 6 weeks of vacation, toilets that have different flushers for 1 and 2, escalators that don't move until you step on them, mass public transit, highways with no speed limits, and chocolate. I like that American doors open to the outside and that we don't eat lukewarm bologna for breakfast, and that we actually have church in our churches.

26. I love my job. The sex drug is coming along. I figured out that by increasing sex drive, prompting weight loss, and tanning, basically it turns you Italian.

27. OH YEAH... I almost forgot. Joaquin Phoenix is OUT of rehab. I mean once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, but he seems to be doing well... Or so said the magazine that was divinely left in the seat pocket infront of me with his black and white mug on the cover.....there is a God.

I'm off

Off like a prom dress to hop across the pond for some equipment audits. First time I'm going somewhere with clients by my lonesome. Should be interesting.
I'll start off in Verona, Italy, and take a train to eastern Switzerland, then will drive to Basel, Swizterland, fly to Frankfurt, fly to Hannover, and after work is done, I'll take a train from there back to Munich for Oktoberfest with our very own Jim Garner. Where I'll do God knows what, stay God knows where and hopefully actually find him in the midst of the worlds largest kegger, and hopefully get to an airport in time to come home. 7 planes, 2 trains in eight days. No internet for me for the week, leaving the lappy at home, so I'll pretty much be uncontact-able for the next week. Miss me! Ciao!

This could be bad....

Dear Friends,

I'm in a jam. Going to Europe on Sunday for a week, and my iPod, my sole source of peace while I travel seems to be broken. Anyone know of anywhere in St. Louis that fixes iPods FAST? A store? A guy somewhere in a basement with a hammer? Anyone want to loan me theirs for a week?

Sincerely,

Desparate in St. Louis

Cry a little

“If I say, ‘I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile,’
I still dread all my sufferings,” (Job 9:27-28a).

Life isn’t without some divine decisions that our mortal minds simply cannot comprehend. At times, we cannot imagine why God couldn’t have just given us what we asked. Sometimes our frustration lies in the fact that we know He could have, that He certainly had the power, but in His divine wisdom, He chose not to. Hear this with your heart: God knows we can’t think like Him. His ways and His thoughts simply are not ours (Isa. 55:8-9). Sometimes the very essence of faith is trusting God in the midst of things He knows good and well we cannot comprehend. Not that we won’t, but at times we literally cannot.

~Beth Moore

Tasty of Tasties.

It's like a piece of my heart has returned to me.

My dear friend Angela is home from all over the eastern world, and her return has been balm for my soul. I have missed her, and I'm not good at the mushy stuff very often, but she is all that I love in a person. So funny, so real, so compassionate. And to a much lesser degree than most, will act like she doesn't know me when I almost pee my pants in the supermarket after I see a box of cereal called "Organic Gorilla Munch".

Will you stop here and just read that again.

ORGANIC GORILLA MUNCH !!

What in the free world is that? It was like a dream, I looked up and saw the box, with the giant gorilla nostrils and the face staring at me, and I almost lost it. Like just saw it and doubled over and had to like limp over to the box to point out what I was dying at. Gosh I'm sitting here writing this and I laugh out loud. Mark, Murph, Patrick, it's the closest I've been to wetting myself, so if you want to work that into your next attempts at bladder busting, that may be helpful.

Anywho. (Gosh just read it again. Organic. Gorilla. Munch. Wow. I really really need help, let me know if anyone else thinks that's pants wettingly funny... I'd say I'm just easily entertained, but that's just not the case.)

Tonite we did a 'get to know you' interview thingy with Mike and Beth the new DR people, and we had the audience write down questions on index cards, and I, talk-show style, censored and selected the anonymous questions and read them to Mike and Beth. Angelas question was "Do you like bacon?" Had Annie! been there I would have sworn it was her doing. But it was Ange, and yes Mike and Beth DO like bacon*. So after that that was settled, Angela and I got to talking about the increasing numbers of people who have "an unusual proclivity for bacon"** and how there should be a website and T-shirts. I agreed. I mentioned the bacon shaped air-freshener hanging from my rear view mirror, and then we went and made BLTs***.

God knew I needed her back here right now. Needed some fresh air, fresh perspective, and to laugh so hard. It's an amazing thing really, that a person can live in another hemishpere for a year and then come back and it feel like they never left.

Very very good, indeed.

*Wondering at this juncture if Mike and Beth also have an unusual proclivity for Kevin Bacon?
**Quote provided courtesy of Casey Finan's journal entry.
***And yes, we used Farmland thick-sliced bacon. It is the best, after all.

Faces in the crowd

Yeah Todd. This guy was nasty on Defense. Also note the three hottie hot hot fans sitting directly behind him.

And sorry, Liz, Sean Scott is in fact dating Rachel Wacholder.

AVP Y'all

Yes!!! I'm off to the AVP with a few of my nearest and dearest. Chi-town here I come.

Man I love this game. Happy Labor Dabor to me.

Deana, as usual, you are a rock star for organizing the weekend...

My recipe for happy includes yellow and white leather, a couple of people whose names I say with exclamation points at the end, and a minivan.

Heck yes it does.

One of my purest dreams was to play sand volleyball for the rest of my days, maybe even try out for one of these tournaments. But I fear I have waited too long. My body has become too old. A summer of mono, and an inflamed rotator cuff, bursitis-something-something and me losing my real leather volleyball have all sadly put a major damper on the sand borne festivities. Ah well. Will continue to live vicariously through Misty and Kerri.

HE DID IT!!!

My brother Schmustyface Ryan Merrill, after two years of trying, rocked his way into the Remax World Long Drive Competition this weekend by qualifying in Indianapolis with drives of 392, 388, and 385 yards. In some cases, 40 yards farther than any other balls in the round.

WOO HOO!!!! I'm so proud of him and excited* for him.

I'm always ridiculously proud of my bro, so this isn't news really, but he really can hit the little ball a LONG way. I'll definitely keep you posted on the event!!

Very exciting. He is one in 128 peeps worldwide who qualified for this event. He could be on ESPN!!!

*So excited that I may just try to qualify myself since we are going to be down there anyway (it's *much* easer to qualify in the womens division and there is a LOT let money at stake) so I'm going to give it a try... what the heck.

OMGOOGLE!!

Oh man. This is the coolest thing ever!! Google has rocked my world with it's new Google Earth. Go get this for free at earth.google.com and be amazed... 3D rendering of the Grand Canyon or anything else you want to see on the planet earth.

Liz...even You can find your way around with this!!

I Love the Bible...

Clean Garments for the High Priest
1 Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him. 2 The LORD said to Satan, "The LORD rebuke you, Satan! The LORD, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?"
3 Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel. 4 The angel said to those who were standing before him, "Take off his filthy clothes." Then he said to Joshua, "See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put rich garments on you."
5 Then I said, "Put a clean turban on his head." So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him, while the angel of the LORD stood by.
6 The angel of the LORD gave this charge to Joshua: 7 "This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'If you will walk in my ways and keep my requirements, then you will govern my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you a place among these standing here.
8 " 'Listen, O high priest Joshua and your associates seated before you, who are men symbolic of things to come: I am going to bring my servant, the Branch. 9 See, the stone I have set in front of Joshua! There are seven eyes on that one stone, and I will engrave an inscription on it,' says the LORD Almighty, 'and I will remove the sin of this land in a single day.
" 'In that day each of you will invite his neighbor to sit under his vine and fig tree,' declares the LORD Almighty."

Open House Party

August 28th. 2pm - ??

You, dear readers, are invited.

(Provided you know where it is, and that you actually know who I am)

It's over...

Whew.. back to normal life again. The talk is over and went well, I felt. The mono is gone, I shot baskets in my driveway and am feelin like a champ.

I'm off to Detroit rock city on Tuesday for a couple of days to kick off a new project, one I am very pumped about. Should be good times.

God is good folks... all the time.

Murl out.

Ironic?

I've never really figured out an actual example of something that is truly "ironic" so no need to write letters, but for lack of a better term... It's ironic that I'm getting nervous about speaking at DR Sunday nite, and my topic is Fear...

I'll admit it...

I really want to see that penguin movie.

Heh...

Last post reminded me of my quote wall at work. Some of my favorites...

"I ordered an Italian sub on French bread... I got an Italian salad with French dressing"
Bill, who trusted Tim with his lunch order...

Ken: "They call it a kickoff meeting for a reason" (because it coincided with getting tickets to the KC Chiefs game"
Lindsey: "They should call it a 'sidekick'-off meeting" (as it was to be my debut at a time when I was dubbed "the sidekick")
Ken: "More like an on-side-kickoff meeting"

"What does NFG stand for? Not Fully Grown?" (Me, refering to a Newfoundland Gander airport code sticker on a door of a small of stature co-worker)


And every quote wall since the beginning of time has it.. the quote that launched a thousand quotes:

"What? Are we shooting from the seat of our pants here?" Ken on the speakerphone to J-Ro.. masterfully combining "Flying by the seat of our pants" and "Shooting from the hip"

"Well Said, Old Bean!"

No Reason...

Tried to figure out a reason to use this and tie it into my daily travels....but It just hasn't happened...and I just like it too much not to post it. (it will probably happen tomorrow).


Amendment... Thanks to my roomate, Amy, who reminded me that, the Cap'n Obvious card indeed this is a card to be played on JKM the Fish. She is sitting in our house watching "swordfish" with us and the scene comes on at the end where the guys in the bus attach themselves to a gigantor helicopter. I make a comment about the hutzpah of such a copter, that it would have the power to lift a moving passenger bus off a highway. To which JKM replies matter of factly.. "Oh you know it's one of those 'lifting' helicopters."

Obviously.....

Another example comes to mind just when I ordered my usual chicken chimichanga at our favorite mexican lunch place and my waiter promptly asks me "chicken or beef"?

Uh...

Re: my next tatoo will say moron...on my face

That was the subject line. This why my brother is my favorite person of all time. This is an excerpt of an e-mail conversation I just had with him.


Dusty: "oh let me tell ya. somethin...let me....tell you ....somethin...ok....so i go to the phillips 66 down from the house you know on brentwood...pay at the pump go inside get some red bull...come back get in my car....and take off....with the f**kin pump still in my gas tank and rip the sumbich off....yeah the guys like yeah need your insurance card and drivers license...he just called and said he fixed it...there is a god and his name ironically is chris and he works the morning shift...i swear god man...so im about 50% unpissed from my shitaki morning ive been having..and to boot i had to park on the GD 8th level today...im use to 4.....but things are better....i swear to god man"

Lindsey Replies: "Oh I totally did that once, lucky for us, the connections of those hoses to the pumps are...ahem...what we call in the industry "quick disconnects" (typically) which means they realize that there are morons who will drive a way with the pumps in and they just snap back into place, maybe he took your insurance to make sure you didn't bend it.

That is funny though..."

Dusty Comes back:
"yes apparently it was a disconnectable thing...thank the gas gods in exxonia....but me's and you have the gene in our minds that lets us concentrate on the wrong thing at the right time...its like we think about bigger and better things when we should worrying whether or not we are going to remove the extremely flammable hose from the belly of our 2500 lb raging inferno of power..eh why the hell should we...im thinking " how good my frickin starbucks coffe is going to taste when i get to work and why is the gross national product of peru is on the decline since the CAFTA agreement signed in early february allows all independant unions to supply international suppositories to people with a low risk 401k"

and this is serious
this just in from cody who is in colorado working

he goes back to his hotel a couple nights ago from the bar...there are 8 cops with lights on and the whole 9 yards...he like what is going on? the park ranger tell him there is a bear in their hotel...yes thats right....so cody get excited and goes in to get a better look of course...the bear is in the frikin pool taking a swim...the cops tell him to go back to their rooms and stuff..of course cody says screw that..him and another dude circle back around the building the other way....the bear comes around the same corner after it has been hit with a trank dart and two twelve gauge slugs...its gets to cody and stands on its hind legs and the cops put another cap in it and kill it....cody says...ok then im going to go to my room now and clean the crap out of my britches and you guys just take care of yogi...ok then cya...

how funny is that...



murtis out"

Math for Dummies.

Beautiful. San Francisco. Sweet Lord, Mona, you are right. Went to Sausalito for dinner tonite. Ate spring rolls and salmon at this little place on the water and watched all of the ships cutting in and out of the bay. Little curly ribbons of road wound tightly up the sides of the green mountains. It was impossibly beautiful. The smell of the air was salty, mingled with something else cedary and wonderful. Then we drove up the coast to Muir Woods, home of the giant Redwoods. Breathtaking. Dizzying to look to the tops of the massive trees. I felt at any second those things would come to life and say in a booming Lord of the Rings voice "The park closes at eight". Some of those trees are almost two thousand years old. Foggy, flowery, lush, named after the cookie. Sausalito. I will honeymoon there. Amazing.

Places usually don't affect me that much.

Even my flight out to SF was clear and I could see the country from 15,000 ft. Dry desert, green patches of irrigation, river-carved canyons, mountains that look like rumples in my bed sheets. It was like a painting. So beautiful. So just for me.

As I sat on the plane, I was reading "Mathematics: Is God Silent?"

The answer is most definitely no.

Katie's that I like.

I had the pleasure of listening to Katie sing at Koko and Fabs' wedding. MAN she wails. I always turn into this blubbering mass of emotion when she sings. It's really incredible. She is also one of the most beautiful people I've ever met.

Koko and Fabs are also ridiculously beautiful people. And when I say beautiful, I do mean it in the classic diamond commercial sense, but also in just the pure of heart sense. Never a fowl word have I ever heard either one utter, and I've never known a more graceful, humble pair of people. And good gravy they are so in sync with each other when playing any sort of team sport. They will just shred you to bits playing ultimate frisbee...

"Jealous, Party of One..? Jealous?"

Naw.. more like happy.

More things I like about my friends, and Monkey Lamps

Annie! Came over today and brought me food and a thermometer and cotton balls. Didn't even ask what the cotton balls were for. Annie! has a great laugh and is really really awesome. She is dating my good buddy Markus of the Willie!-file fame on this blog, and they are so stinking awesome. Wah hoo. I heart them both. Annie is her own person and exudes a confidence that is rare. She just is who she is and likes what she likes and makes no apology for any of it. She throws a javelin for crying out loud...c'mon that's flippin cool. She is also a volleyball stud and just wails on the leather. I dig it. No pun intended.

Ashley is one of those closet funny people. You would never know what funny stories this gal could tell you about corn. Ho ho. Cheers a sister right up. She also has this odd proclivity to KICK ASS as random recreational bar games. Like, seriously shes the the best bowler, dart thrower, coaster flipper, shuffle puck-er, pool.. She is so good and that stuff, that I almost hate her for it. Almost...
She is athletic and non-girly-girlish like me, but is really sensitive and sweet. Good mix to be, if you ask me. I'm a big Ash fan.

Pmurph is one of the funniest people God ever put on this earth. He never fails to tell me an off-color joke, or to laugh unjudgementally at mine. Flowers on a piano... heh. But this guy also has a really sweet mushy center that will jump out and suprise you every once in awhile. He wants to help people whenever he can, and shoot the bloke is flippin funny. He asks good questions and really listens when you answer. That is pretty rare.

His girlfriend KTLew is such a breath of fresh air. She is one of the most uninhibited Christians I have ever met, and I mean that in the awesomest way possible. I saw this strip down to her swimming suit in the middle of the nite and slip-n-slide in pig-tails and a blow up swimmy ring at a church retreat. It may have been the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I was like...what 23 year old is that comfotable with herself? It totally freed me up to stop taking myself so seriously and to just have some fun.

Sara is a gal who loves troublemakers. Maybe that's why we hit it off... She likes the at-risk kid and longs to teach them and help them. I love people who just want to give of themselves. I hate that I don't more. I love her spirit and the fact that she played lacrosse in college and wants to coach it. I love the fact that she works nites and the one time I was off during the day she came over to paint my new house with me just so we could get a chance to hang out. She blessed my house with me and DH and it was a moment that just meant the world to me.

Deana, gosh can't say enough about D. She couldn't help me move, but she brought over this cooler of drinks and some snacks for the people that were helping me. I was so amazed at this gesture of thoughtfulness. I didn't ask her to do that, she just did it. It was a god-send, the day couldn't have been any hotter. Thanks so much D-lovely.

Jeff, Julie, Stacey, Casey, DD, Lisa, Ashley, DHolley, D and Sara helped the three of us on moving day and they were all just angels. I definitely was a bit hormonal that day if you know what I mean, so maybe that's why I just wanted to cry all day, but I did just wanted to cry all day with overwhelmed thankfulness. I didn't ask a single one of these people to help, they just offered and I couldn't believe it. I deserved none of this. I have done nothing to merit such kindness, and can probably do nothing to pay back the horrible strain of moving 4 washers and dryers up from my basement. I just couldn't have done it without you guys. In retrospect, I probably could have rented a truck and some movers,(I've seen these guys and they can move full sized sofas on their heads like it's butter) but I didn't.

A special thanks also to Casey who gave me four nites in a row of the use of his truck, home depot nagivational skills, and power washer, then turned around and did the same thing for his sister Katie moving into her new house.

My parents came up last weekend and brought...sheesh... a whole plethora of lawn care apparatuses..apparati? aparteid...apoopoo. Whatever. A bunch of lawn care equipment, there we go. Mowed the grass, weedeated..(what on earth is wrong with me) weed-ate? Ran the weedeater? TRIMMED. Thanks.. yeah. They cut limbs down from around my power lines and pulled weeds, brought me my favorite piece of outdoor machinery of all time, that's right...my very own leaf-blower(Oh JOY), and a picnic table. They took a rat-nasty piece of carpet off my hands and took Schmusty and me to dinner twice.

Mamma murl found TWO MONKEY LAMPS!!! that I haven't seen yet, but that I can only hope remind me of these...
 

These lamps are reminicent of the time that I stole a monkey lamp from my colleauges house. He and his wife hosted our Christmas party two years ago, and I, under the cover of my co-conspirators, jacked this lamp out of his house right from under his nose, i put it up in my office for about two weeks until he came back and exclaimed with shock

George: "Now, THAT is REMARKABLE... It's JUST like mine"
Lindsey pauses with pained grimace on her face, waiting for the light to come on...
George: "Wait that is MY lamp? I didn't even notice!"
Lindsey: "I didn't figure you would..."

Anyway..it gave a nice warm glow to my cubicle that is normally bathed in eye-ball-sucking fluorescent white flickery light. I love monkey lamps, and now i have TWO of my own... but I digress...

Oh yeah. Oh yeah...I was praising my pals and thanking God for giving them to me and for blessing me so much beyond what I deserve. Scott Sauls said to me (well to the congregation at large..but it may as well have been to just me) "It's not the ugliness of sin that we should focus on, but the beauty of righeousness.. the attractiveness of sin and the pleasures and idols of this life can only melt away when you've been romanced by a better lover.."

The God of the universe has romanced me this week.

Whiny Sick-o

Man. I'm sick. I hate it. I'm the worst whiny patient ever too. I've got like monostreptococcusbacillusanthrax or something. Goo. I gotta stop lickin those doorknobs. Big white stripes on my throat and my lymph nodes are in an uproar. My immune system is in a state of anarchy. I will storm the gates of disease with 500mg of Keflex four times daily and I will regale myself to a diet of throat lozenges and popcicles. I don't have time to be sick.

I have to sand and paint things in my garage, and leaf blow things, and build things out of cans to feed the hungry. Not to mention work. I also just got internet access back (whether this is a good thing remains to be seen).

Will you just picture the little buggers, the little germs in my body, having parties, and breaking stuff, tossing cookies on the rug, 'Hey, I just cleaned that'. Pillaging and burninating my white blood cells. Blech.

Picture me all pathetic and achy, and feel bad for me, will ya?

Thanks.

I now have to leave here and go scrape crap off of the wall of my old apartment, aka, the kingdom of the tanlord from hell.

Tanlord:"Uh yeah can you just paint over those spots"
Me: "No, there is no paint left and I have no way to match it"
Tanlord: "Oh you know it was like.. a plum color'..

Thanks that helps...

Tanlord: "I'd have it done, but then I'd have to charge you..."

So I'm taking my swollen nodes over to scrape stickies off a wall and "match" a winey plummy red color of paint. Don't hate me because my life is so exciting. I can't help it.

Barriers to the Good News

You know I've been thinking about why I am not more open with my faith. Sometimes I feel like I lead two very confusing lives. One where I am but a guest here, a stranger in this world who doesn't understand hurt and pain and evil, who longs for home. A person who is sorrowful for people who are blind, whose heart breaks for people who are not aware that they are really beautiful creations.

And then I live in another world where I flip those jerks off in traffic.

It's sometimes too bad that my uglier side is just funnier.

But it worries me, because I don't want to be the flipper-off-er of people. I mean that figuratively, of course. But I want to be a person who just has love for people. Who doesn't get intimidated and feels the need to cut people down or withdraw my presence from them. I am free to love and free to screw up while doing it.

Man, lately I feel like a tangled up mass of sins and confusions, but at the same turn, I feel ok and less ashamed to be here. Because, To quote Beth Moore..."somebody say we're weird, y'all...we're just WEIRD!"

Tis true.

Show me normal. I'll show you dead.
Show me perfect. I'll show you a liar.
Show me broken. I'll show you happy to be fixed, and humble.

Very Blessed

Very Exhausted.
Very Vexed, as the shower doesn't work.
Still have paint on my feet.
Still smiling.

Captivating

 
Whoa girls. Gotta recommend this book to you. This is one of the best books I have ever read about women. It's by the chic who is married to John Eldridge the 'Sacred Romance/Journey of Desire/Wild at Heart' guy. And I gotta admit I was almost ashamed to buy it, but it is so good. I don't mind recommending it to ANYONE. That's why I'm blogging about it. It's cool, clean high-quality H20. It's a message that every woman needs to hear. I've heard it before only to forget it. I've seen women live by this and I've been captivated by them, jealous of them. It's been awhile since a book has made me cry. Please don't be scared off by the Christian bookstore heading, it will put words to that ache. You know the one, the one that says "I'm not enough" or "I'm too much." Dont speak, don't ask, don't offer, don't love.. there is only disappointment there.

I admit I get excited when I read about how much God loves me or I find out that another human loves me. I glow. I absolutely glow when I know that I'm cherished. Sure, God feels far sometimes. It's up to me, and the other people in our lives sometimes to help us see God better. This book spoke of women who are beautiful when their hearts are at rest, not when they are cloaked in fear and anxiety. Women who can't be enjoyed fully because they are constantly striving. It speaks of women at 75 who shine with peace and who in coming closer to God become more themselves, not less. More free. Less afraid.

It talks about the movies we love and the stories we love and how they resonate with us for a reason.

I've always wondered what Jesus meant about coming to give us life to the full. Wondered how we can do that living in a place where there are only rules. In a place where we constantly fall short, and are seemingly expected to live on crusts of bread, and water and suck it up and deal. Stop being a girl, cause girls are stupid.

Satan tricked Eve. I've heard mentors of mine talk about why he chose to trick Eve, I've heard because women are more easily deceived, because we are more likely to want to conrtol our own destinies, because we felt Adam wasn't doing his job, thus we were more likely to take the bait. But there is another reason. Satan tricked Eve because he hated her. He hated her because she took his job. Lucifer was the former commander of all the Angels and his job was to deliver the glory and praises to God, to display his beauty, to be his messenger. That may make no sense until you consider the nations most devoid of God, and most spiritually bonded, how they treat their women. As second class, as trash, only good for prostitution, covered from head to toe in black.

This hatred trickles down in other ways. As many attempts at religion do, we fall away from that which was intended, and Christian people everywhere try to make their women all about character and servitude. Read: Frumpy. We totally miss the Ruth's the Tamar's, the Esther's and the Rahab's. Those scandalous and holy women who had a part in the lineage of Christ, but probably wouldn't dare darken the doorways of our modern day churches. I think of the woman in scripture who was a known prostitute who worshiped Jesus by washing his feet with her perfume, and wiping it with her hair. (I haven't done that in a few weeks or so). He was pumped, the disciples were all... "Hmm.. Uh.. Jesus,... what is she doing?" (and before you send hate mail, no of course I'm not saying go be scandalous, nor are they, they are just challenging our definition of holiness).

I could continue this stream of consciousness for hours and not do it justice, so read it, read it, read it. Then let me know what you thought.

Amendment

Ok, So the closing is now the 27 tentatively. So I think we'll paint that day then move in on the 28th after anyone who wants to help gets off work.

Apologies for turning this into my personal day planner.

I guess, though, I can do with it whatever I want.

I'll make it my recipe book if I so desire.

1 Eye of newt...

By the way...anyone heard how Joaquin is doing in rehab?
Such a courageous chap.

Nevermind...

Not sure when the closing, thus the subsequent moving will take place, so you are all temporarily off the hook. Not like "off the hizzy" type off the hook, just the normal, you are no longer obligated.

But wait, I reconsider... yes... yes you are all indeed off the hizzy for shizzy.

But the Internet at home is off the hook, and I haven't been able to hook the keyboard up to my soul lately.

I know you are all hanging in the balance for the next installment of "What the Crap am I doing here?"

On a side note, I'm SUPER excited about the fundraiser my company is participating in. We have to build something out of canned food items and then it will get judged and donated to a charity. It may be my finest hour. The moment when me and 1000 cans of campbells soup make our mark on the world.

On the all-star cast is the frequently aforementioned co-worker Dave who once built a White Castle out of legos in a similar competition. Yes I mean White Castle, the home of the chicken pipes. (You know, where chicken rings come from).

Yep life is beautiful.

The best thing about the concept of blogging...

Is that I can ask for help and you can turn me down and I will never know it. Amy, Schmusty and I are moving in on June 25th at 10 am. If you want to help, we'd love to have it. No pressure, that's why I'm not sending out mass e-mail. If you can't, seriously no big deal and you can claim.. "I never read your blog" and kinda stare off into space as drool forms as the corner of your mouth.

Also I can invite you to my roomate Amy's birthday/"last-party-at-315-Charlene" this Saturday at 7 pm with no pressure to respond.

Isn't that great? Awkwardness. GONE.

That, I think is going to be my mission in life, to rid the world of awkward situations, one blog at a time.

Here it is..

For the few of you who haven't seen it already...
The House

Overheard...

....You don't have to correct it. You don't have to help them have faith. You don't have to heal them or be their Jesus. God will do all of that. All you have to do is walk the path with them and share the deepest parts of you. Yes, it makes you extremely vulnerable. Know what, though - in 50 years I can't think of a single person that I regret loving. Every single person that I've loved in my life has been WAY worth any pain they caused me, and I've had some pretty disasterous relationships....

"Who Froo Dat Ham?" Lady's Second Cousin?

Thanks Rachel for the story.

Which three of you needs a place?

The house we rent is now going to be vacant. If anyone knows of anyone who may be interested in a phat three bedroom two bath with a massive kitchen let me know. I'd love to give it to you in July, as I'm closing on my new house end of June. It's been a great place, I'd love to keep it in the family... and the landlord is tan. Spread the word.

To Seeing us as He Sees us.

With all the bad things about Christianity and the lack of followers of Jesus actually acting anything like him in this world, there are many reasons not to be a Christian. The name of Jesus is used in big ugly ways by people trying to get their way, has been and will continue to be.

But I think this small list is the beginning of my answer to the question "Why would anyone ever want to be a Christian?"

Or if you are a Christian and have ever asked the question "Who am I? Do I matter?"

If you have confessed with your mouth and believed in your heart, all of the following promises apply to you too:


I am forgiven all my sins and washed in the blood (Eph. 1:7)
I am a new creature (2 Cor. 5:17)
I am the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19)
I am delivered from the power of darkness and transformed into God's kingdom (Col. 1:13)
I am redeemed from the curse of the law (Gal. 3:13)
I am strong in the Lord (Eph. 6:10)
I am holy and without blame before Him (Eph. 1:4)
I am accepted in Christ (Eph. 1:6)
I am God's child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God which lives and abides forever (1 Pet. 1:23)
I am blessed (Deut. 28:1-14)
I am a saint (Rom. 1:7)
I am qualified to share in His inheritance (Col. 1:12)
I am the head and not the tail, I am above only and not beneath (Deut. 28:13)
I am victorious (Rev. 21:7)
I am dead to sin (Rom. 6:2)
I am elect (Col. 3:12)
I am loved with an everlasting love (Jer. 31:3)
I am established to the end (1 Cor. 1:8)
I am set free (Jn. 8:31-33)
I am circumcised with the circumcision made without hands. (Col. 2:11)
I am crucified with Christ (Gal. 2:20)
I am alive with Christ (Eph. 2:5)
I am raised up with Christ and seated in the heavenly places (Col. 2:12)
I am His faithful follower (Eph. 5:1)
I am the light of the world (Matt. 5:14)
I am the salt of the earth (Matt. 5:13)
I am called of God (2 Tim. 1:9)
I am brought near by the blood of Christ (Eph. 2:13)
I am more than a conqueror (Rom. 8:37)
I am in Christ Jesus by His doing (1Cor. 1:30)
I am an ambassador for Christ (2 Cor. 5:20)
I am beloved of God (1 Thess. 1:4)
I am the first fruits among His creation (James. 1:18)
I am born of God and the evil one does not touch me (1 Jn. 5:18)
I am a king and a priest unto God (Rev. 1:6)
I am a joint heir with Christ (Rom. 8:17)
I am reconciled to God (2 Cor. 5:18)
I am overtaken with Blessings (Deut. 28:2)
I am healed by the wounds of Jesus (1 Pet. 2:24)
I am in the world as He is in heaven (1 Jn. 4:17)
I am a fellow citizen with the saints of the household of God (Eph. 2:19)
I am sealed with the promise of the Holy Spirit (Eph. 1:13)
I am complete in Christ (Col. 2:10)
I am the apple of my Father's eye (Ps. 17:8)
I am free from condemnation (Rom. 8:1)
I am the righteousness of God through Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 5:21)
I am chosen (1 Thess. 1:4)
I am firmly rooted, built up, strengthened in the faith an overflowing with thankfulness (Col. 2:7)
I am a place kicker for the Dallas Cowboys. (Lin 2:21)
I am a disciple of Christ because I have love for others (Jn. 13:343-35)
I am built on the foundations of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus Himself as the chief cornerstone (Eph. 2:20)
I am a partaker of His divine nature (2 Pet. 1:4)
I am God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works (Eph. 2:10)
I am being changed into His image (Phil. 1:6)
I am one in Christ! Hallelujah! (Jn. 17:21-23)
I have all my needs met by God according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19)
I have the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16)
I have everlasting life (Jn. 6:47)
I have a guaranteed inheritance (Eph. 1:14)
I have abundant life (Jn. 10:10)
I have overcome the world (1 Jn. 5:4)
I have the peace of God which passes all understanding (Phil. 4:7)
I have access to the Father by on Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
I have received the power of the Holy Spirit: power to lay hands on the sick and see them recover; power to cast out demons; power over all the power of the enemy (Mk. 16:17)
I can to all things through Jesus Christ (Phil. 4:13)
I shall do even greater works than Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:13)
I walk in Christ Jesus (Col. 2:6)
I possess the Greater One in me because greater is He in me than he who is in the world (1 Jn. 4:4)
I press toward the goal for the prize of the high calling of God (Phil. 3:14)
I live by the law of the holy Spirit (Rom. 8:2)
I know God's voice (Jn. 10:14)
I show forth His praise (1 Pet. 2:9)
I always triumph in Christ (2 Cor. 2:14)
Christ is in me, the Hope of Glory! (Col.1:27)

Gosh, if we believed half of this was true, wouldn't our days look differently?

Accepted my Offer. Hooray!

I feel all accomplished, like I'm an actual grown up.

MIA

I have been so MIA lately. Not much real stuff from me lately. I'm under the gun on a project deadline and trying to buy a house. Trying to sleep too. Not having much luck. In a word, my bed sucks. Dusty said this morning that my door popped open and I was sleeping on my back with one leg crossed over the other in the air, knees bent like I was sitting at a desk or something. Anyone want to buy a bed? It's a pillow top. It was my first purchase in my real world life and it's been a thorn in my side ever since. I look forward to hotel beds. This year at the retreat my bunk bed was sweet hard solace. Really Lindsey, that's facinating.

I'm not very facinating. This is like one of those national public radio shows. And then...we did a show on raisins...yeah...raisins...

Anyway... say a praya, if you are a praya, that I would get through this deadline and be actually proud of it. And for no distractions. And that this blog would have something of interest on it sooner than later (that one is for you).

Cards win.

Shout out to Carol and Jessica, my loyal fans.

Dear Miss and Miss Thang,

Turn down "Jesse's Girl" and read this.

This is straight from the mouth of Dustin the manchild.

So check this out:
the janitor slash coffee supply man on my floor...he saw my under armor shirt today(its a really cool material sports shirt) any way ...he goes..."hey man what kinda shirt is that?"..i replied..he says "man dats hot...i mean wait...naw...that's cold blooded ...definitley...cold blooded..."

Love, Brittany XOXO.

Tentative Jubilation

Putting an offer on a house in Webster. I'll keep you posted. All I have to say is, if this happens, there WILL be a sand volleyball court promptly installed in the 334ft long backyard and all of you WILL come over for good times to be had by all. Hoo hoo.. I hope I didn't just jinx this.

A-mazing

Someone should tell Christians that they can't do this. You can't be a band that takes normal songs and turns them into Christian songs. You can't take "I Only Wanna Be With You" by Hootie and the Blowfish and change the words to say "Naomi Gonna Be With Ruth". You can't sing "Do a little dance, make a little love, Get FOUND tonite?" and you certainly can't put your own band on the cover of Rolling Clone magazine and make that a CD cover. I can't handle it. God knew I'd have no grace for these folks. But it is quite entertaining. I returned to work this week after a hiatus to cold, rainy San Franscisco and my favorite co-worker Dave ran up to me to tell me that he heard a song on the Radio that sounded mysteriously like the B-52's Love Shack, only it was... Meshach. Apologetix...yes with an 'X' that's the name of this band. The first time I heard of these guys, it was unfortunately from a die hard fan. I had to try really hard to look past the WWJD camoflage do-rag, and the "Truth" bar that this chic was eating. I thought she was joking. But, alas, she was not. She was going to see them in concert, and was pumped. I want to see them in concert too. In a "wow-it's-a-real-live-bearded-lady" kinda way.

Hey Christians... you can't do this. There, I said it.

Dusterrific Summer of 2005

Hoory for the return of Schmustyface the lil' brudder with the heart of a champion. Thus beginneth the DS'05. He's not just for the basement anymore...

So creep out story of the week: I was tanning on Saturday (yeah I know buying skin cancer) and I saw this guy leaving the salon, I was thinking to myself... that's sorta weird that a guy tans, and as I got closer I realized that the creepy man in the hawaiian shirt was my very own landord, who we refer to as Cap'n Schmevin* (*only his name has been changed to protect his anonymity, and because he is the kind of guy who would probably do a google search on himself with the name Cap'n infront of it, and I wouldn't want to blow my cover. )

A Friend Lost

Freak accident occured recently. A dear friend of a dear friend, and kindred spirit, Barrett Graves, was hit by a truck as he was walkling along an interstate. He died at age 27. Barrett was great and loved by many. He will be missed.

I hadn't talked to him or heard of his whereabouts lately, and I certainly wasn't super close to him. But I did know him in college as the very good friend of one of my very best friends, and my heart goes out to you, Scott.

I equally take comfort and am horrified in the fact that the Lord knew the span of this man's life before he even came into being.

I don't pretend to understand.

No, Seriously you guys...

This guy rules.... and this is just a picture of homestar.

Again?

Markus calls me at work to tell me that at the Lions Choice they were playing Mr. Bassman. Unbelievable...it's like I work there. Audio daily double clue to follow.

First Time for Everything

This week was full of a lot of firsts for me. I saw the Cardinals score 11 runs in the first inning at Busch stadium for Annie!'s birfday celebration. (We forgot to do the souped up version of "my name is Faquisha") It was pretty rad. But kinda took the steam out of the rest of the game.

Afterwards, I was talking to Liz on the highway as I drove home to see my mama, and I RAN OUT OF GAS. I have never done that before. I was in the left lane, and I had to coast over three lanes and I almost didn't make it. Liz thankfully saved the day and came and brought me some gas and followed my sorry self to the gas station. I kinda feel like I've stepped over into this new club, the club for morons who forget that they need gas. But I was thankful that there was a place to pull over, and that I made it over there, else I could have been highway rubble.

Yabba dabba doo.

Mother's Day. Came and went. All in all I have a great one. I am extremely thankful for her, and I am also extremely thankful for the many people in my life who haven't had great ones who make me appreciate mine. Good motherhood is not a given. I can only hope I'll be as good a mom as mine was.

Enough of that hallmark card... blech..sorry guys..

So pumped about 20:28, Greentree's first (hopefully annual) church-wide service day. I would encourage all of you who read this to bathe this day in prayer, if you are the prayin' sort. When I first heard our chruch was trying to pull something like this off, I was skeptical, but that has been replaced with only uber excitement. It's what the chruch is supposed to look like....the hands and feet of Jesus. Broken busy people, taking time to help others. Hallmark..I know.. sorry.

Non-hallmark. Our patio was on fire this weekend. On purpose. Set fire to the champagne cork, and kept it going with nothing but lighter fluid. You can dress us up, but you can't take us out. It was actually rather relaxing, in a 'hey-just-dont'-set-the-house-on-fire' kinda way. That was definitely a first.

Whos on first? I don't know.. Third base....

Treat and Retreat were sitting on a bench, Treat fell off...

Back to it. The retreat. Oh yes. The sweet backwoods of Missouri. Rolling hills, make for rolling roads that are rather difficult to drive when your left headlight is out, your defrost knob is broken, it's foggy, raining that half way rain that only mists your windshield and doesn't quite cover it, and when the roads are just litered with cats. Cats everywhere. Piles and piles of them. They fall from the sky, and surge up from the ground and seem to emerge from the trees, I was lucky that I only hit one of them... Yes lucky indeed.

You can check out the pics here . Note the gargantuan slip n slide.
I think, Cap'n Ziegler, that this is this years Christmas Card...



Lance taught and I was so excited, because he was talking about Redemptive History and what it means to share the history of the bible. How Israel's slavery is our slavery, how the covenants morphed as God taught and expected more from his people in the context of where they were in his plan. "Noah, I like you, Noah, I'm going to save your family while I make a mess of this Earth, and then I'm never gonna do that again ... and Abraham, I'm gonna make you a father of many nations, I'm going to give you some land, it's going to have a proclivity for milk and honey, Moses, David, I'm givin' you some cool stuff too, the law and the lineage of Christ. Then, so you remember the covenants I made with you, I'll give you big giant parties to commemorate them with, and I will soak them in hints of the One to come and when he comes he will make a new covenant and he will change the parties that you will have and how you remember my covenants, and it will blow your mind" Anyway. I'm so into that Old Testament jazz, more about that probably later.

This retreat was like none other I'd been on, in that it was almost over-stimulating. I had a ton to think about and had much to praise God for and a slew of new people to get to know.

Shelly Carson at 2 in the morning thinks Anne Frank is Bogus, and I almost wet my pants. Canadians to B-Towns are Woebegone. I don't even know what that means. My first day of school was sultry, and Neil thinks Clint Eastwood is explosive. I tend to agree.

Slap happy laughing is my favorite kind, that almost drunken pure, everything is funny kind. Like the kind that ensued when I climbed into bed the first nite. In a room of about 20 girls, the final snickers had just died down, it was finally dead quiet. I climb into my top bunk and the bed lets out this "ER EE ERR EEE ER EE" squeaking noise. I was on all fours, trying not to move and realized that even if I got to a restful still position, I couldn't stay there all nite, cause I'm quite the east to west sleeper, so I climbed back out and relocated to a more stable location.

I fashioned a total of fourteen french braids on the weekend, four of them on Ziegler alone. Annie! hooked me up with some of my own. I think we would make fine Queen Latifah-type characters in my own version of Beauty Shop: "Little Shop of Murl". Yeah, I'd have scrabble tiles on the coffee tables and Ray Stevens playin' on the muzak. It would be a hootnanny.

We stood around the fire drinking cups of unidentified green, anti-freeze-esque liquid, ate the cliche s'mores, and sang every song that all of America knew at one point or another, loud enough for all of America to hear. Including a stirring rendition of Ebony and Ivory by DeeDee and Fox. Killin me. Neil is one of those closet karaoke machines. Richard Marx look out.

I always forget how many stars there are. Growing up I could always see them. I'd be shooting baskets in my driveway late at nite, as was often my custom to unwind, and they just are up there and there are so many that they cease to be points, they become a continous mass of light. Funny how you can't see them that well in the city.

3 on 3 tourney may have been the low point as I took a charge from Ishi, the National Champion Volleyball Player from WU and she flattened me. It was awesome. Sliced the crap out of my lower back on the concrete, and D^2 had to tend to my wounds and capture them on film. Don't have that pic, or you know I'd totally post it, butt crack and all.

The Foxes were in rare form.

Threw some fris, played some Jack, ate food, by the end of the weekend, my head felt like it was going to fall off from the joy, like drinking a slurpee too fast. Yeah that's what it felt like.

Great weekend. Great people. I am so blessed.

Thump Thump

Oh yeah, and forgive me for running over that cat. Apologies to the owners, and to the car-load of ladies behind me who witnessed the whole bloody affair.

I did kill something that cuddles....

Thankful

I am thankful. Full of thanks.
I am so thankful, Lord, for so many things you have blessed me with lately, but even more importantly I am so thankful for the freedom you have given me. My words seem to hang tired and lifeless on this page like some cheesy Christian shirt that needs to be ironed, but your gift to me has been life to my dry bones.
You are water that quenches me. I have been long in the desert place, and am rejoicing for the time in the desert place and rejoicing for the time of refreshing. Lord may the next desert place find me remembering this refreshing. May the next season of heavy tilling remind me of the planting and the harvest to come.

A tad vague, but true...

More details on my story-filled, side-splitting, slip'n slidin', road-rashin', cat-hitting, bourbon-chicken-eating, campfire-singin', bed-squeakin', butt-scraping, hair-braidin', covenant learnin', explosive, adjective-heavy weekend later.

Perfect Day?

Quite possibly. Have you ever had one of those days where you felt like you could just purr the whole time? Today was one of those days. Woke up this morning surrounded by 20 of the neatest girls on earth at the DR retreat, spent the morning taking turns reading aloud God's promises, then drove home through the most beautiful part of Missouri (minus the confederate flags we kept seeing). The sky was blue the weather was beautiful, if a tad chilly. The ride home with Heather, Clay and Neal was laugh out loud funny. "Oh yeah? I got sucked up into TWO tornadoes and they tossed me back and forth like a hacky-sack". We caught lunch with DD and Kim on the way back, and made it home in record time (not even trying to compete with Willie!'s journey which took less than two hours... smokin...) Then I spent the majority of the afternoon with Casey, we looked at houses, attended a book fair, paid Adelaide a visit, bought some tools and got some bourbon chicken. Then I came home and got to have the pleasures of phone call from Alabama, a suprise visit from Deana, and a suprise visit from Nate almost simultaneously. Got to have pseudo dinner with Nate where we had some monumental good times. Wow. I was just freakin spoiled today.