Sunday, July 31, 2005

Monday, July 25, 2005

No Reason...

Tried to figure out a reason to use this and tie it into my daily travels....but It just hasn't happened...and I just like it too much not to post it. (it will probably happen tomorrow).

Amendment... Thanks to my roomate, Amy, who reminded me that, the Cap'n Obvious card indeed this is a card to be played on JKM the Fish. She is sitting in our house watching "swordfish" with us and the scene comes on at the end where the guys in the bus attach themselves to a gigantor helicopter. I make a comment about the hutzpah of such a copter, that it would have the power to lift a moving passenger bus off a highway. To which JKM replies matter of factly.. "Oh you know it's one of those 'lifting' helicopters."


Another example comes to mind just when I ordered my usual chicken chimichanga at our favorite mexican lunch place and my waiter promptly asks me "chicken or beef"?


Thursday, July 21, 2005

Re: my next tatoo will say moron...on my face

That was the subject line. This why my brother is my favorite person of all time. This is an excerpt of an e-mail conversation I just had with him.

Dusty: "oh let me tell ya. somethin...let me....tell you i go to the phillips 66 down from the house you know on at the pump go inside get some red bull...come back get in my car....and take off....with the f**kin pump still in my gas tank and rip the sumbich off....yeah the guys like yeah need your insurance card and drivers license...he just called and said he fixed it...there is a god and his name ironically is chris and he works the morning shift...i swear god im about 50% unpissed from my shitaki morning ive been having..and to boot i had to park on the GD 8th level use to 4.....but things are better....i swear to god man"

Lindsey Replies: "Oh I totally did that once, lucky for us, the connections of those hoses to the pumps are...ahem...what we call in the industry "quick disconnects" (typically) which means they realize that there are morons who will drive a way with the pumps in and they just snap back into place, maybe he took your insurance to make sure you didn't bend it.

That is funny though..."

Dusty Comes back:
"yes apparently it was a disconnectable thing...thank the gas gods in exxonia....but me's and you have the gene in our minds that lets us concentrate on the wrong thing at the right time...its like we think about bigger and better things when we should worrying whether or not we are going to remove the extremely flammable hose from the belly of our 2500 lb raging inferno of why the hell should thinking " how good my frickin starbucks coffe is going to taste when i get to work and why is the gross national product of peru is on the decline since the CAFTA agreement signed in early february allows all independant unions to supply international suppositories to people with a low risk 401k"

and this is serious
this just in from cody who is in colorado working

he goes back to his hotel a couple nights ago from the bar...there are 8 cops with lights on and the whole 9 yards...he like what is going on? the park ranger tell him there is a bear in their hotel...yes thats cody get excited and goes in to get a better look of course...the bear is in the frikin pool taking a swim...the cops tell him to go back to their rooms and stuff..of course cody says screw that..him and another dude circle back around the building the other way....the bear comes around the same corner after it has been hit with a trank dart and two twelve gauge slugs...its gets to cody and stands on its hind legs and the cops put another cap in it and kill it....cody says...ok then im going to go to my room now and clean the crap out of my britches and you guys just take care of yogi...ok then cya...

how funny is that...

murtis out"

Monday, July 18, 2005

Math for Dummies.

Beautiful. San Francisco. Sweet Lord, Mona, you are right. Went to Sausalito for dinner tonite. Ate spring rolls and salmon at this little place on the water and watched all of the ships cutting in and out of the bay. Little curly ribbons of road wound tightly up the sides of the green mountains. It was impossibly beautiful. The smell of the air was salty, mingled with something else cedary and wonderful. Then we drove up the coast to Muir Woods, home of the giant Redwoods. Breathtaking. Dizzying to look to the tops of the massive trees. I felt at any second those things would come to life and say in a booming Lord of the Rings voice "The park closes at eight". Some of those trees are almost two thousand years old. Foggy, flowery, lush, named after the cookie. Sausalito. I will honeymoon there. Amazing.

Places usually don't affect me that much.

Even my flight out to SF was clear and I could see the country from 15,000 ft. Dry desert, green patches of irrigation, river-carved canyons, mountains that look like rumples in my bed sheets. It was like a painting. So beautiful. So just for me.

As I sat on the plane, I was reading "Mathematics: Is God Silent?"

The answer is most definitely no.

Katie's that I like.

I had the pleasure of listening to Katie sing at Koko and Fabs' wedding. MAN she wails. I always turn into this blubbering mass of emotion when she sings. It's really incredible. She is also one of the most beautiful people I've ever met.

Koko and Fabs are also ridiculously beautiful people. And when I say beautiful, I do mean it in the classic diamond commercial sense, but also in just the pure of heart sense. Never a fowl word have I ever heard either one utter, and I've never known a more graceful, humble pair of people. And good gravy they are so in sync with each other when playing any sort of team sport. They will just shred you to bits playing ultimate frisbee...

"Jealous, Party of One..? Jealous?"

Naw.. more like happy.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

More things I like about my friends, and Monkey Lamps

Annie! Came over today and brought me food and a thermometer and cotton balls. Didn't even ask what the cotton balls were for. Annie! has a great laugh and is really really awesome. She is dating my good buddy Markus of the Willie!-file fame on this blog, and they are so stinking awesome. Wah hoo. I heart them both. Annie is her own person and exudes a confidence that is rare. She just is who she is and likes what she likes and makes no apology for any of it. She throws a javelin for crying out loud...c'mon that's flippin cool. She is also a volleyball stud and just wails on the leather. I dig it. No pun intended.

Ashley is one of those closet funny people. You would never know what funny stories this gal could tell you about corn. Ho ho. Cheers a sister right up. She also has this odd proclivity to KICK ASS as random recreational bar games. Like, seriously shes the the best bowler, dart thrower, coaster flipper, shuffle puck-er, pool.. She is so good and that stuff, that I almost hate her for it. Almost...
She is athletic and non-girly-girlish like me, but is really sensitive and sweet. Good mix to be, if you ask me. I'm a big Ash fan.

Pmurph is one of the funniest people God ever put on this earth. He never fails to tell me an off-color joke, or to laugh unjudgementally at mine. Flowers on a piano... heh. But this guy also has a really sweet mushy center that will jump out and suprise you every once in awhile. He wants to help people whenever he can, and shoot the bloke is flippin funny. He asks good questions and really listens when you answer. That is pretty rare.

His girlfriend KTLew is such a breath of fresh air. She is one of the most uninhibited Christians I have ever met, and I mean that in the awesomest way possible. I saw this strip down to her swimming suit in the middle of the nite and slip-n-slide in pig-tails and a blow up swimmy ring at a church retreat. It may have been the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I was like...what 23 year old is that comfotable with herself? It totally freed me up to stop taking myself so seriously and to just have some fun.

Sara is a gal who loves troublemakers. Maybe that's why we hit it off... She likes the at-risk kid and longs to teach them and help them. I love people who just want to give of themselves. I hate that I don't more. I love her spirit and the fact that she played lacrosse in college and wants to coach it. I love the fact that she works nites and the one time I was off during the day she came over to paint my new house with me just so we could get a chance to hang out. She blessed my house with me and DH and it was a moment that just meant the world to me.

Deana, gosh can't say enough about D. She couldn't help me move, but she brought over this cooler of drinks and some snacks for the people that were helping me. I was so amazed at this gesture of thoughtfulness. I didn't ask her to do that, she just did it. It was a god-send, the day couldn't have been any hotter. Thanks so much D-lovely.

Jeff, Julie, Stacey, Casey, DD, Lisa, Ashley, DHolley, D and Sara helped the three of us on moving day and they were all just angels. I definitely was a bit hormonal that day if you know what I mean, so maybe that's why I just wanted to cry all day, but I did just wanted to cry all day with overwhelmed thankfulness. I didn't ask a single one of these people to help, they just offered and I couldn't believe it. I deserved none of this. I have done nothing to merit such kindness, and can probably do nothing to pay back the horrible strain of moving 4 washers and dryers up from my basement. I just couldn't have done it without you guys. In retrospect, I probably could have rented a truck and some movers,(I've seen these guys and they can move full sized sofas on their heads like it's butter) but I didn't.

A special thanks also to Casey who gave me four nites in a row of the use of his truck, home depot nagivational skills, and power washer, then turned around and did the same thing for his sister Katie moving into her new house.

My parents came up last weekend and brought...sheesh... a whole plethora of lawn care apparatuses..apparati? aparteid...apoopoo. Whatever. A bunch of lawn care equipment, there we go. Mowed the grass, weedeated..(what on earth is wrong with me) weed-ate? Ran the weedeater? TRIMMED. Thanks.. yeah. They cut limbs down from around my power lines and pulled weeds, brought me my favorite piece of outdoor machinery of all time, that's very own leaf-blower(Oh JOY), and a picnic table. They took a rat-nasty piece of carpet off my hands and took Schmusty and me to dinner twice.

Mamma murl found TWO MONKEY LAMPS!!! that I haven't seen yet, but that I can only hope remind me of these...
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These lamps are reminicent of the time that I stole a monkey lamp from my colleauges house. He and his wife hosted our Christmas party two years ago, and I, under the cover of my co-conspirators, jacked this lamp out of his house right from under his nose, i put it up in my office for about two weeks until he came back and exclaimed with shock

George: "Now, THAT is REMARKABLE... It's JUST like mine"
Lindsey pauses with pained grimace on her face, waiting for the light to come on...
George: "Wait that is MY lamp? I didn't even notice!"
Lindsey: "I didn't figure you would..." gave a nice warm glow to my cubicle that is normally bathed in eye-ball-sucking fluorescent white flickery light. I love monkey lamps, and now i have TWO of my own... but I digress...

Oh yeah. Oh yeah...I was praising my pals and thanking God for giving them to me and for blessing me so much beyond what I deserve. Scott Sauls said to me (well to the congregation at large..but it may as well have been to just me) "It's not the ugliness of sin that we should focus on, but the beauty of righeousness.. the attractiveness of sin and the pleasures and idols of this life can only melt away when you've been romanced by a better lover.."

The God of the universe has romanced me this week.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Whiny Sick-o

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Man. I'm sick. I hate it. I'm the worst whiny patient ever too. I've got like monostreptococcusbacillusanthrax or something. Goo. I gotta stop lickin those doorknobs. Big white stripes on my throat and my lymph nodes are in an uproar. My immune system is in a state of anarchy. I will storm the gates of disease with 500mg of Keflex four times daily and I will regale myself to a diet of throat lozenges and popcicles. I don't have time to be sick.

I have to sand and paint things in my garage, and leaf blow things, and build things out of cans to feed the hungry. Not to mention work. I also just got internet access back (whether this is a good thing remains to be seen).

Will you just picture the little buggers, the little germs in my body, having parties, and breaking stuff, tossing cookies on the rug, 'Hey, I just cleaned that'. Pillaging and burninating my white blood cells. Blech.

Picture me all pathetic and achy, and feel bad for me, will ya?


I now have to leave here and go scrape crap off of the wall of my old apartment, aka, the kingdom of the tanlord from hell.

Tanlord:"Uh yeah can you just paint over those spots"
Me: "No, there is no paint left and I have no way to match it"
Tanlord: "Oh you know it was like.. a plum color'..

Thanks that helps...

Tanlord: "I'd have it done, but then I'd have to charge you..."

So I'm taking my swollen nodes over to scrape stickies off a wall and "match" a winey plummy red color of paint. Don't hate me because my life is so exciting. I can't help it.