Sunday, July 30, 2006

Lindsey, in the Kitchen, with the Cooking Spray.

This past weekend for my mother's birthday, I thought I'd do something extra special for her by trying to kill her.

I decided to make french toast for breakfast. The boys were gone in Atlanta and it was just the two of us for the day so I had her fire up the griddle and she sprayed oil on it for me. She then sat down and drank her coffee while I mixed up the stuff, and make the finest french toast I've ever made. She even commented 'Lindsey this is really good.. No I'm serious. On a scale of one to ten.. YOU are an Eleven.'

No she didn't really say that, but she did like it. And I liked it too, cleaned up every last bit. As I sat there fat and happy, my mom, who had started to clean up the kitchen turns to me and asks:

"Lindsey! Why is the cap off of the furniture polish?"


"Well, I suppose it's because I just made the french toast in it. "

We laughed the slightly crazy laugh of people who didn't know if they were going to die or not.

The cooking spray that she used, got put away unbeknownst to me... and I just grabbed the nearest spray can which just happened to be sitting on the island next to the griddle... and happened to be Gordmans Furniture Polish. Yummy.

Ingredients; Natural Oils, Surfactants (fancy word for 'soap') , UV sunscreen, and propellant. I think we'll be fine. I think.

I should do a commercial for them:

"Guardsman Furniture Polish with UV Sunscreen cleans, polishes, and helps furniture resist fading caused by exposure to sunlight. Guardsman polish protects while producing a deep, brilliant shine with a fresh wood scent and does not leave a dulling wax, on your french toast."

"Thankyou and Goodnight."

Monday, July 24, 2006


I chop and kick and punch the air.

Because I love Charter Communications.

I make an appointment. Charter GRACIOUSLY confirms the appointment for cable service one day before the appt. They don't call you, they have a robot do it. And leave you a unintelligible voice message, but they contact you nonetheless.

Then they chain you to your house from 1 to 5 pm on a Saturday. The Robot calls again. Confirming the appointment again AND letting you know that the technician would be there in an hour. SO I sit on my front porch and I wait. I wander to the front yard, I water the plants, I look up one side of the street and down the other... I chat with my roomate, A WITNESS who can verify my presence at my residence.

Imagine my suprise when I toddle back into the house to see if the Cable company, had, by chance, had it's robot contact my robot. And it had. To CANCEL my appointment. Thanks guys. Cause I wasn't WAITING ON THE FRONT PORCH AT ALL!!!

Bad words. BAD words.

Goo. I was so mad. I'm still mad. Granted the cable in the entire universe was out due to the storm so they realistically couldn't have done anything anyway, but in principle I'm right and I'm ticked. :)

So I call to make sure I'm not charged a cancellation fee, and I got to listen to every zip code that didn't have cable service. I should have felt compassion toward the other cable-less victims, but I was extra ticked that I had to LISTEN to EVERY SINGLE zip code that had no cable service.

In case you weren't aware, that was a big storm folks... a big big storm. A LOT of zip codes later, I FINALLY got to a person who was no help and transfered me to billing where I got to listen to the zip codes again. Before I hung up (one of those times that you wish you still had a land phone to slam down, the snap shut just isn't gratifying) the nice lady says "Thankyou for Choosing Charter" I said. "Ma'am, I didn't HAVE a choice!"

I'd rather slide down a slide of razors and land in a pool of lemon juice. HEEYEAH.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Someone's been writing in my notebook...

Today at work I found a note in my pile of legal pads that said simply:

"You have dissappointed all of us & we will miss your WB frog impersonation"

Sunday, July 16, 2006


Oh! Funnies from the darling Angela. An excerpt from an e-mail she sent to someone else. This is so typical...

funny story....on saturday night while linz, casey & i were watching movies (at linz's house) linz got up to go to the bathroom. casey says to me, "let's hide and scare her" we both start scurrying around and i decide to go through the kitchen and hide right inside the basement door at the top of the stairs. i'm waiting and laughing because i knocked over a chair and tripped on my way to hide and i was sure she would know something was up. so the door starts to open and i scream to try to scare her, but it's casey because he couldn't find a hiding place in the living room. i start dying laughing and knock a dustbuster off the wall and it bangs down the stairs. we're standing there at the top of the stairs laughing & waiting for lindz, and casey keeps saying, "bite your tongue! bite your tongue!" to get me to stop laughing. finally, linz comes out of the bathroom and is going, "hey...hey guys. this isn't funny guys. hey guys, where are you? i'm really creeped out. hey guys." so in her searching she finally gets to the basement door and opens it, and we scare her, and she goes flying backward across the kitchen on the floor like acartoon character. i think i almost peed my pants. "

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Final Countdown.

Braces come off this week.

FINALLY. Ugh. Immediately after I got them, I envisioned spending the next six months sealed up anti-socially in my basement, mute and starving. But alas, I got over myself, and came out of hiding, and eventually stopped drinking slim-fast shakes. Which, according to Kyle, and this list is one of the ten worst foods for you. (Interestingly enough they are not as bad as Alcohol, which is the worst of them all. Kyle doesn't seem to mind that one as much as he thinks I should mind a liquid diet...BUT I DIGRESS).

Yes finally the braces come off, and I'll be able to speak normally again and eat apples covered in caramel and roled in nuts, and run my tongue along the teeth and be able to say "Sister Susie Sittin on a Thistle" without the lisp.

I have three days left. I'm stoked. Stoked like the soldiers in Les Mis... the ones singing show tunes and prancing about. In fact, if I wasn't getting them off THIS week, I would have taken them off myself with pliers and a chisel. I'm not kidding.

Monday, July 10, 2006

I'm a Plagerist.

Back from Camping. Rested, rejuvenated, and refreshed which I can't often say after a typical "vacation".

Wrote a whole long thing about and I lost it... stupid internet. So since this isn't college and my blog isn't due tomorrow, I'll fill you in later.

But it was just lovely.

Decided that I couldn't say it better than this.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


Finally. A vacation for ME! I am driving up to Cornerstone to see, primarily, (finally), Over the Rhine. Hooray. It's been awhile since I've camped. It's been awhile since I've been to the madness that is a Chirstian Music festival. It's crazy. Polite moshing?

Yes. It will be fantastic time to my self on the road.
Not so fantastic is my suckity sucky ipod that is broken again. I am sick with angst.

Then I remember it's just an ipod, and I can sing any song on it myself, as loud as I want in the car by myself. Improvisation. The child of necessity... or something.

Now that I am old and wise, I WILL be taking sunscreen with me. As, I still have freckle marks in the exact pattern of a tank top I wore to my last music festival. Ah. Me love me Irish roots. (and me lucky charms?)

Bushnel IL. Look out. Here comes murl.


Monday, July 03, 2006

What's that noise?

It's the sound of my I.Q. going up...

I'm now a brunette.

(Yipes, that picture is sorta "Senior '97" sorry about that.)