Monday, January 29, 2007
Backed into a garage waiting for 21 to arrive. Silently, Prayerfully. Who is this guy?
I'm starting to know. It's terrifyingly exciting and dependable and secure all at the same time.
I'm starting to know less and less about more and more. And it's ok. No one likes a know it all. Like why is it better to sit in public and not hold the hand of the person you are crazy about? Surrounded by sullen married people in a restaurant both saddened and angered me. (no mom, not you and dad.. you two are anything but sullen). What was the point? Choose joy for pete's sake. Choose to be enamored, choose to have some fellowship. Choose to talk about more than dumb gross surface things. Cant we talk about the deep stuff? Why do we avoid community like the plague? Why do we pretend it's all we want when we do not really want it? There things we are carrying with us that we shouldn't carry alone.
There used to be a tirade here..but I decided it's not real.. I'm just looking for a softer place to land. Anyone?
I need to be more forgiving. More understanding. Lord have mercy.
I need to moisturize. Brisk Indiana winds have ripped off my skin cells by the trillion. Leaving a tight crunchy surface that threatens to start a fire on my polyester hotel 'comforter'. Anybody need a blade sharpened? Take my left heel...
I need to not be black headed anymore. My "caRcasian" scalp burned with the second dose of chemicals of the day. Not cool. Blond roots are not cool.
New boots are cool.
Talking to sweet wonderful Angela is cool. I think she was put on this earth so that I wouldn't be alone. To think a thought is to have her understand it, speak truth to it, and not judge it, all in the same turn. She is my dearest. She is my girl crush and I will shout it from the rooftops. I will ride my tooth bike to Indiana talking to her on the phone for the rest of my days. Seems unfair that I don't get more credit for appreciating her in the kingdom of God. You know.. because it's upside down and all. You get more brownie points for learning to like the un-likeable.. but Angie is so stinkin likeable she blows my heavenly handicap! Dirty!
The team got back together this weekend to celebrate one of the most shining examples of humanity that I know. I can't really put adequate words to Alia, how sweet, genuine and just angelically good that she is. She and her unborn baby 'Timalia' and her family were here this past weekend along with some others. It is always good times to reunite and remember one of the best functional groups of people that I have ever been a part of. Out of the blue, T-Raj came to the festivites Friday night with a most interesting and unexpected aura. Bubbly, happy, speaking of 'being in church' which thrills me, and raises a zillion questions that I can't ask.
Alia and I kinda have "mirrored" images of hair... nice part yes? I also forget how tall she it.. I was wearin flats, but she towers over me.. Don't be fooled.
AND Don't you ever count out a basketball team that is under Coach Nancy Fahey. A team which stated out the season 1-3 or something has blossomed into a contender in the UAA, after losing their starting point guard who was last years rookie of the year, and graduating their leading scorer from last year who dropped 23 a game! A team with two healthy seniors on it, a senior playing with a bionic shoulder and the rest, inexperienced sophomores. They went 2-0 this weekend and into sole possesion of first in the UAA. It's the halfway point and the road trips are infront of us, not behind us... so it's still early. But just goes to show you what an amazing program Washington University womens b-ball really is. Ok I may be a LITTLE biased. But this is the first time we've been underdogs. Which is a scary place to put us. Go ahead leave us out of the top 25 ranking for the first time in nine years... see what happens with that. See how that goes for ya. It's hoops time and I'm fired up.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Today started off with a Monster! (mmmm mama like...) Ended with all being right with the world again. In the space between, I : A. reconnected with one of my best grade school friends from Texas via the myspace world, B. Was so stinkin proud of my Monty on the radio today talking about how the parents of the Hornbeck boy are nuts for putting that kid on Oprah so soon after the trauma. C. Went to ON TAP and realized I have come a long LONG way in my struggle to see myself as beautiful. D. Received a free stay at the company condo! Woo Hoo. E. Got some fresh advice from a co-worker in the matters of life that matter. F. Got some good work done today. G. Read more Exodus. H. Resurrected my love for chicken parts with the advent of a new poppyseed dressing. Something I 've always loved about processed compressed breaded chicken matter slathered in the gooey sweetness of poppyseed sauce. Love it. It's strange and it's going to kill me on day, but I'll die happy.
I'm sure there were more good things. Many more. It is good when it takes more energy to count ones blessings than it does to count ones pains. Some will point and call me a Pollyanna. I will not care.
I will have joy. Just a smidge... on toast points. You must try one.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
"Bless your Heart"
"I very much like your dress, it does wonders for your figure"
"Has anyone ever told you that you remind them of Courtney Love?"
I thought I would have more of these...
Feel free to add your favorite non-complimentary compliment.
Monday, January 15, 2007
I'm not made for it. But you, Lord, massive, mighty Lord, are in control.
I'm not made to pave my own way.. I'm not built for the war for truth. I'm quite certain I'm not even built for this world. I have tried to become that which life has required me to be.
I've tried hard to be the girl that can take care of herself. But time and time again, I fail miserably.
I try to obtain significance.
Jesus.. if only I believed that you are my sole source of significance.
If I could only convince the world that I AM significant because of you. If only they would recognize your blood on me.
If only I found everyone else in my life as significant as YOU find them to be.
Come, Already! My heart is heavy. It's work to carry it around in my chest. Feels as if I've been given an x-ray apron and instructions to run. If I didn't have this stupid heart, it would be easier. Oh yes easier.
Is it wrong to be so sensitive?
I think PMS kicks my ass every month and I'm suprised by it every time.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
"And God said to Lindsey... let the pants come two by two into your closet that is only one cubit by a half cubit in size... "