Blech

This past Saturday I got out of bed at 2:13 pm. I haven't done that in years. I stayed in my pajamas, didn't brush my teeth, watched the entire first season of Grey's Anatomy, after episode 12, and I cheated unmercifully on my diet with IMO's pizza. As I started to feel guilty for doing nothing of importance all day, I got up and washed my sheets and the last straggling pieces of laundry left in my IMMACULATE room, did my ab video, washed my hair, brushed AND flossed, and I still felt guilty.

I could not take a sabbath.

I could not enjoy a dreary, windy, Saturday with Patrick Dempsey on the best couch in the world. What is wrong with me? Maybe it was because there were so many nagging things I needed to take care of at work, and I didn't go in and do them. Maybe it was because Bono is probably out saving the poor, and I am ordering pizza with Patrick Dempsey. Maybe it was because I had nothing scheduled but it was sort of too late to shedule anything, and the weather was no motivator. No parties to go to, friends were out of town and I'm not a doctor and I'm not dating Patrick Dempsey. Maybe it was because I snapped at my mom on the phone because she was worried I was going to go out and take a chainsaw to the powerlines that were tangled around the downed tree in my yard. Maybe it was because I didn't talk with my roomate at all, and she was there all day. Maybe it was because I was a fly on the wall the night before for a discussion I didn't need to hear about what guys really think, and it depressed me.

Blech I've been in such a mood lately. Could be PMS. Could be that I have finally slowed down enough to look around, take a deep breath and clean everything, and I'm wondering now, that my closet is finally organized(!), I've cleaned out under my bed (!), I've sorted my shoes, and generated a giant pile of stuff to give away, the kitchen is spotless, worked on the yard to the degree I can, now that I've got my material life completely under control... what is left? Seems like God should vaporize me right off the earth... or, at least, blue monkeys should be flying out of someplace.

Who knows... it was just a sucky day...now that you are uplifted, and encouraged, have a great week.

Tree didn't fall on my house, I still have electricity, and we DID fire up the pit Friday night. So all is not totally crap. And that, is good.

Broken World

Broken Man, Broken Woman.
by Heather Coaster *

TAMAR JUDAH
He died and I waited He died and I waited
And wondered if there would be another man, And wondered if I could afford to lose another son,
Wondered if the empty would go away by my waiting. Wondered if you might go away by my waiting.
I waited for you I waited for you
To tell me what to do To find something to do
And where to go Somewhere to go
And how to make the empty go away. And really just to go away.
But you never came So I never came
You never called I never called
And the empty stayed My own empty grew

I became desparate I became desparate

And hid behind my veil And hid behind your veil
I hoped that you wouldn't see me I hoped that you wouldn't see me
I prayed that you would I feared that you would
I gave you myself I took from you yourself
And settled for the price of a promise And negotiated the price of a promise
A goat. Was that all? My goat. Was that too much?

But I went home But I went home
And tried to forget And forgot
Until the day that forgetting became impossible Until the day that forgetting became impossible
Remembrance was growing inside me Remembrance was growing inside you
They found me out You found me out
And brought me before you They brought you before me
So that you could make me disappear And I no longer had the choice to disappear
But I held your name in my hand You held my name in your hand
Your seed in my womb My seed in your womb

I had fooled you, I had failed you,
Yet still felt alone and afraid, Had left you alone and afraid,
As if the sin was all mine to bear. As if the sin was all yours to bear.
Was your unrighteousness so much less than mine? But your unrighteousness was so much less than mine
My hunger overcame me My hunger overcame me
And now the fire awaits me. And now the fire awaits you.
Why is it mine alone? It is not yours alone.

I'm sorry I fool. I'm sorry you fail. I'm sorry I don't know you yet.

The plasitc kind even...

I have a lot of hangers.

A LOT.

A small army. A large army. An armada...of hangers.

So, a box of hangers. A large box of hangers...
A large, free box of hangers. Come and get em, if you want em.

I also have two closets that I just dominated.

THAT is a good day.

Boo Yah.

ENFP

For you Myers-Briggs friends and fans out there, and all of you who accuse me of "non-mellow-ness".
I have proof that I'm swinging back toward the middle, I'm ALMOST an INFP....
According to this I used to be more extroverted, and now, I'm
E: 1% "slightly expressed Extrovert"
N: 38% "moderately expressed iNtuitive personality"
F: 50% "Moderately expressed Feeling personality" (I'm definitley a feeler).
P: 44% "Moderately expressed Perceiving personality

I guess this means this and this. I know more ENFP's than not. Is that because I am one and I recognize the letters?

I'm not sure I buy this stuff altogether...

Coach Murl

I gave in. I am finally doing some coaching. Before you get excited, it's only assitant coaching in a summer league, but it's for some pretty committed high school sophomores. I'm the post coach. Heh.

Today, a girl in a pink t-shirt knocked me over.

Not kidding. Laid me out flat... I had a football pad and i wasn't expecting it, and she cleaned my plate... ... It was awesome and my arm hurts.

Another girl in the same drill punched me in the right eye.

I'm coaching with Neety, Sparty and Sue-Bear. It's fun. I tried coaching before with some girls who were too young to care very much, who didn't want to be there, and I had zero patience with it. Now I am amazed at what they can do, and how good they are. I'm excited to see them play in some games and stuff. I'll keep you POSTed.

Hams, Grams, & Gracie.

The Honeybaked Ham gift certificate that I lost at Christmastime was found at Eastertime as I fished underneath the seat of my car at an Arby's drive thru. A timely find indeed, since this weekend was my Grandma Murl's 70th birthday party. It was a Luau, so I drove home with 8 pounds of pig, my contribution to the festivities.

Let me just tell you that the Honeybaked Ham store has quite a bit of business around Easter. Enough to warrant not one, but two traffic cops in the parking lot and movie theatre-like rope lines inside. It was a Hamstravaganza! (not my word).

Grandma turned 70 amongst friends, family and fake motorized palm trees.

As two of these friends came walking up the drive, I did a double take. It was Benny and Betty Bradley. These two sixty-somethings I remembered from the two years that my family spent in Conroe, TX. Benny went to elementary school with my grandpa in Irondale, MO and moved to Conroe several years before we did. My dad became fast friends with these two home-towners when he traveled down there solo, setting up camp before we arrived. My father showed up on Betty's doorstep one day and announced who he was and she invited him in for dinner, Benny came home from work and they all ate. When my dad stood to leave, Betty looked pleasantly suprised and uttered "You're leaving?" When dad confirmed this, she said, "The last time a boy from Irondale show up on our doorstep he stayed for three weeks, and I had to TH'OW HIM OUT." She liked my dad much better after that. I hadn't seen them in sixteen years. I think I must have been very impressionable at that age, and I remembered everything, the name of their English Bulldog, Gracie, with her wayward lower jaw. I remember laughing so hard when we went over there that I couldn't eat. I remember a sense of home, when we were so far away (they had the "You been farmin' long?" poster that seems to be a southern MO staple). Benny retired at 55 and they bought a giant RV and traveled the country for 6 years. They bought a house back home in Missouri, and depending on which one you ask, they are moving to Alaska in a year (Benny) or they are DONE traveling (Betty). They both agree that they are getting another English bulldog.

Happy Easter.

Even though it probably stems from a pagan festival... let's just honor the stone rollin' away, Amen?

Hallelujah.

Lovin' springtime. Lovin' life.

I am Little

Lord Almighty.

GOD of the Nations, Creator, Preserver, Transcendent, Mighty, Strong God All- Sufficient, Lord God the Almighty, Master, LORD, Yahweh, The Self-Existent One, I AM WHO I AM, I WILL BE WHO I WILL BE. The name of God, too sacred to be uttered or written, The Lord will Provide, The Lord Who Heals, The Lord Our Banner (as in on the battlefield, from the word that means to glisten, to lift up), The Lord Who Sanctifies, The Lord Our Peace, JUDGE, The Lord Our Righteousness, The Lord Our Shepherd, The Lord is There, The Lord of Hosts, The commander of the angelic host and the armies of God, The most High, The Mighty One, The Branch, the Holy One of Israel, God of Seeing, Jealous, Deliverer, Savior, Redeemer, Shield, STONE, Strength, Everlasting God, God of the Covenant,Mighty God, God our Rock, The Sun of Righteousness, Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, Ancient of Days, King, Father, The First and Last, I AM, I AM the Light of the world bread of life, living water, the Resurrection and the Life,the Way, Truth and the Life JESUS, The Anointed One, King of kings; Lord of lords; Bishop and Guardian of our Souls; Daystar, Deliverer, Advocate, Second Adam, Ancient of Days, Branch, Chief Cornerstone, Immanuel, First Born, Head of the Body, Physician, Rock, Root of Jesse, Stone, Potentate; Chief Apostle; Great High Priest; Pioneer and Perfecter of our Faith ; Lamb of God; Lamb Slain before the Foundation of the World; Lord God Almighty. The First and the Last, The Beginning and The End.

Funny how I think I'm capable of making him such a small part of my day.
Funnier still that things like this and this and this and this occur and we, who have access to his power, who have tasted and seen Him, been rescued by Him, do nothing, say nothing and feel nothing.

God where are you...
Come.

Girls go crazy for a "shot-glass" man.

Threw a party last night. We gathered around the best purchase I've ever made.

A fire pit.

Mine looks a little less like R2-D2, and a little more like a terra cotta flower pot, but the principle is the same.

It was fabulous. We drank, ate, make s'mores, some of us almost fell out of the hammock. Perfect night for a fire. And much more responsible than our last attempts at fire which you'll remember ended with an empty bottle of lighter fluid, a charred champagne cork, and a stained patio. So this night of burning things, was much more advanced, and safe, much to the delight of my insurance man, I'm sure.

Later we also played a stirring round of my new favorite game "buzz word". I highly recommend it. Woo Hoo.

Then church was really good today, I spoke up front for the first time and I like doing that. Scott talked about our desire for justice and how that is both a good desire, yet that vengance is not something to be taken into our own hands. Scott is great at presenting a balanced view of the issues of scripture and the pit falls of swaying too far to one side. I used to hate the word "balance" as it refers to Christianity, as if it were a tightrope that we would fall off of if we strayed to either side, but now I like the word more, and see balance as a safe place to stand.

Later, I had a market fresh sandwich from Arby's.

Mmm.

Lunch Club

Why Lunch Club exists:

On the topic of Cremation....
Leigh: "No, you know why I don't want to be buried? Have you ever seen Poltergeist...the part when it rained and all those dead Indians floated up in the backyard? Uh uh.. not me. I want to be cremated..."
Linz: "...And have your ashes scattered at the mall?"
Pat: "...To have yourself poured into little silica gel packets and stuck in random pairs of designer shoes?"
Linz: "Yeah, 'Do not eat'"
Pat: "'Do not eat Leigh'"
Wendy: "My grandma was in the basement in a shoe box for, like, three years."