Change and Closure

So I had lunch with my old arch nemesis today. Some of you heard me talk about her and our struggle to coexist peacefully at our office back in the day when our noses sat thirty-five inches away from each other in the tiny office we used to share. We were both proud and stubborn, and so wanting to "fix" the other one in "christian love" that we beat ourselves senseless.

We sat in that room together for almost a year. Polishing. Annoying. Irritating. Ignoring. Sometimes crying. It was awful. A terribly painful and long experience for me and I know for her as well.

I am not a morning person. She actually tried to talk to me before noon. She is a minute detail person. I am a big-picture dynamics person. She stuck her neck out. I buried mine in the sand. She had this sinus thing that drove me crazy, said "Rum" instead of "Room"and well, I'm sure I did somethin.

But we both call ourselves Christians. This means we tried. We really tried to submit and to yield and to give in and give up and let the other one have the honor, only something would always stir our competitive spirits toward one another. We tried and prayed together and shared and stuggled to see eye to eye.

To summarize. Girls are just crazy. Especially girls who feel they still have worth to prove.

We eventually moved out of the same office before I stapled my earlobes shut. She eventually followed God's calling to plant a church out in Seattle near her in-laws. I jokingly told people God took her to Seattle for me. I was kinda relieved, to be honest. Maybe overjoyed was the word. I loved her. I really did. But I didn't like her very much. Now, still working for our company, she flys into the office to do work sometimes. The first time I saw her I didn't know how I would react. We were not friends. We were more than that. It's so weird.

So we kept saying that we needed to get together and catch up when she was in town. Usually when we got together it was one of two things. Her condescending on me. Me feeling my usually-dormant national champion competitive spirit rise up, or worse, us gossiping about anyone and everyone we could in the office. You know, in that crappy way that Christians sometimes do...

Today's lunch started out like any other. We were discussing some drama and what the cures are and why everyone is so negative all the time. Getting rather personal in some instances. And we ordered food at Bread Co and I felt the Spirit say gently "Linz, don't do this. Don't let her do this either she doesn't want that." I, ignored it, and started back in when she sat down, but she interrupted me mid-slander and called herself out and said, "Hey that was kinda gossipy wasn't it? I probably shared too much there. I'm sorry."

What? Who are you and what did you do with my arch nemesis? I'd never heard her call herself out before on that stuff. Especially when it was so heavily me too. It was awesome. I agreed and told her I had been thinking the same thing. We went on to have the best, most refreshing discussion about what God is doing in her life, and her marriage, and her heart. I told her about my new found grace (like cornflakes? "Taste it again, for the first time"). In her, I saw a woman maturing, still struggling to forget her old names, but one who was at PEACE. I used to think she put on this earth soley to get on my nerves. But now, I saw her as Beautiful. It was amazing. God gave me eyes. And I hope she saw what I now am... a person who is so consumed presently with believing who she is in Christ that no longer feels the need to compete and to strive to be liked or respected by her or anyone else.

We talked about the other doors she was closing in St. Louis and how it was timely, because she wasn't really going to be around the office in the forseable future, and maybe never again. It was like God came to lunch with us and said, "Hello Poppets. Not a single second of that time I made you spend together was in vain. Nor will any second anywhere else be wasted, because you are mine. "

Like a real live episode of 'Father Knows Best'.

Anyway. She also spoke of some things in her life that gave me thrills of joy to hear, and I told her how I was falling in love with Jesus again. I never thought we would ever be here. I never thought that she would change or that I would let her.

I'm not sure who bent more. I used to care who got that credit. But now I realize, that since we met in a mid-point at all, it means that it doesn' t really matter who bent more, because we got there. Got to this sparsely-inhabited land called "Unity". The credit really isn't ours to claim anyway.

God, in his mercy, ties up every loose end. Bottles every tear, only gives you what you can handle and will force you into situations that make NO worldly sense, that are strictly for Kingdom gain. I don't know how this story will glorify God really , because no one really knows it, but I pray it serves as a reminder of how intricately and SLOWLY he sometimes sanctifies us. This is over the course of 4 years, which in reality, is light speed, but I'm overjoyed at the moment. For the balm that God is pouring on my ripped and wounded places, for removal of old thorns in my side, and for his mysterious weave of 'coincidences' to glorify himself and bless the crap out of me. For freedom to love without condition.

I have tasted. The Lord is good. Hope that doesn't smack of Christian-ese. I'd rip out my heart and take a picture of it, if it could help you see what drives the words.