I'm "All In"

Psalm 51 says: Create in me a clean heart... O God. The hebrew word for "create" used in that verse--"bara" is the word that means "to make something from nothing". Interesting that that word was NOT the hebrew word for "made" ("asah"). Not the word that means fashioning something that is already there, as to work in silver, gold or some other medium... it suggests that we must ask God to give us a whole new one. That the slate must be wiped, and we must completely start over, that the one we started with is just not salvagable. That.. to me... is good news.

The ones we start with are so defensive. When anyone gets too close to something that we cling to, we react, sometimes poorly, mostly in defense of whatever it is that we identify ourselves by. In Shakespeares words from Hamlet: "Methinks he doth protest too much."

Our hearts guard something about us. Every person was made to worship (and to fear) something. We just were. I've never met a single person who didn't manage their lives around something. The object of that worship can be anything, but it's most likely the thing you react to when someone attacks it. Maybe it's your kids, maybe your looks, maybe your income, sports ability. Whatever is most sensitive, whatever causes you to say "Man, where did that come from, why did I say that? Why did I react like such an idiot when someone poked that button?" Very raw, very human thing I've been interested to observe lately. The interesting thing is that I tend to like the people more that don't react to anything in a defensive personal way. (And I don't mean people who just kill the natural reaction) People who just smile, like my Great Aunt Norma, who once said, "I suppose I got the knees that God meant me to have." (She really is Great). People that just don't feel the need to defend, or else, the center of their being is so far into Christ that they know that the attack isn't directed at them personally, but at God himself, and God, in their eyes doesn't really need a defense. At least not a puny human one.

In a nutshell, I guess I don't know what I'm saying really. It's just interesting to me to watch what stokes people's fires sometimes. There were these two guys playing poker on TV the other day, and they were just mouthing each other all tournament long. They almost came to blows a few times, but it just was so obvious to me that they were both just scared to death to be beaten by the other, and they both felt this animal need to conquer the other and to tout themselves over the other. Literally, when the one guy finally won and sent the other packing, he stood up and hoisted his arms up over his head and walked around still jawing at the other guy (he wasn't even the last guy at the table)... the commentator says: "Some people win graciously, and then some people...."

I just got the book "Word Freaks" for Christmas. It is a book about the terribly interesting world of competitive Scrabble. My pastor used one of the lines in a sermon before, but I think it's so good I'm going to quote it again. This guy who won the national tournament one year was quoted as saying.."Basically this validates my entire existance...I'm not kidding." Ha. What is my scrabble? Or worse, what have I NOT achieved to date that I think WOULD validate my entire existance?

Competition. What is it? Why do we think that winning someting, just having some sort of relative (key word is most certainly 'relative', because I think there is something to be said for excellence just for the sake of excellence) superiority over someone else vindicates us, validates us?

Diana Barry: "Myra Gillis had 37 doilies when she got married, and I'm determined to have AT LEAST as many as she had."
Anne Shirley: "I suppose it would be impossible to keep house with only 36 doilies.

You know what? I'm tired. I think I'm officially giving up the rat race. I don't think there IS anything out there that would validate my existance. Not this superb blogthing, not my mark left on society, or comedy, or hairstyling, or good friendship, or the environment, or my lack of marital bliss, mastery of culinary arts. Nothing. There really IS no golden goose. I'm already as validated in Christ as I will EVER be. So.. with that, I think I officially am putting away my claws, re-sheathing my sword, putting the bitch to bed. I am putting her to bed. She is tired. She will choose joy because if someone does attack her, (and 99% of the time it's not really a direct attack anyway, but a ploy of the enemy) they obviously don't know who she is. They just don't realize that she is a blood-bought daughter of the creator of the universe, who has no time to get her feathers ruffled, there is simply too much joy to be had, to much encouragement to be given, to much life to be lived, to much freedom to be enjoyed.

Take my brother for example. He is pretty darn cool, and a big deal TV-star, he is a good deal funnier, knows his engineering stuff, and is much better looking than I, but I am not the least bit intimidated or competitive (save the friendly jeopardy game). Because I know that my folks don't love him more than they love me. It's just not the case. Maybe THAT is why some Christian people choose to call their fellow members "Brother Blank". Maybe it's to remind them (in an incredibly cheesy, really hard to believe sorta way) that we all have the same daddy, and he loves us the same, so there is no need to compete, no need to strive against one another. My Daddy does have enough love for all.