"Well Said, Old Bean!"

No Reason...

Tried to figure out a reason to use this and tie it into my daily travels....but It just hasn't happened...and I just like it too much not to post it. (it will probably happen tomorrow).


Amendment... Thanks to my roomate, Amy, who reminded me that, the Cap'n Obvious card indeed this is a card to be played on JKM the Fish. She is sitting in our house watching "swordfish" with us and the scene comes on at the end where the guys in the bus attach themselves to a gigantor helicopter. I make a comment about the hutzpah of such a copter, that it would have the power to lift a moving passenger bus off a highway. To which JKM replies matter of factly.. "Oh you know it's one of those 'lifting' helicopters."

Obviously.....

Another example comes to mind just when I ordered my usual chicken chimichanga at our favorite mexican lunch place and my waiter promptly asks me "chicken or beef"?

Uh...

Re: my next tatoo will say moron...on my face

That was the subject line. This why my brother is my favorite person of all time. This is an excerpt of an e-mail conversation I just had with him.


Dusty: "oh let me tell ya. somethin...let me....tell you ....somethin...ok....so i go to the phillips 66 down from the house you know on brentwood...pay at the pump go inside get some red bull...come back get in my car....and take off....with the f**kin pump still in my gas tank and rip the sumbich off....yeah the guys like yeah need your insurance card and drivers license...he just called and said he fixed it...there is a god and his name ironically is chris and he works the morning shift...i swear god man...so im about 50% unpissed from my shitaki morning ive been having..and to boot i had to park on the GD 8th level today...im use to 4.....but things are better....i swear to god man"

Lindsey Replies: "Oh I totally did that once, lucky for us, the connections of those hoses to the pumps are...ahem...what we call in the industry "quick disconnects" (typically) which means they realize that there are morons who will drive a way with the pumps in and they just snap back into place, maybe he took your insurance to make sure you didn't bend it.

That is funny though..."

Dusty Comes back:
"yes apparently it was a disconnectable thing...thank the gas gods in exxonia....but me's and you have the gene in our minds that lets us concentrate on the wrong thing at the right time...its like we think about bigger and better things when we should worrying whether or not we are going to remove the extremely flammable hose from the belly of our 2500 lb raging inferno of power..eh why the hell should we...im thinking " how good my frickin starbucks coffe is going to taste when i get to work and why is the gross national product of peru is on the decline since the CAFTA agreement signed in early february allows all independant unions to supply international suppositories to people with a low risk 401k"

and this is serious
this just in from cody who is in colorado working

he goes back to his hotel a couple nights ago from the bar...there are 8 cops with lights on and the whole 9 yards...he like what is going on? the park ranger tell him there is a bear in their hotel...yes thats right....so cody get excited and goes in to get a better look of course...the bear is in the frikin pool taking a swim...the cops tell him to go back to their rooms and stuff..of course cody says screw that..him and another dude circle back around the building the other way....the bear comes around the same corner after it has been hit with a trank dart and two twelve gauge slugs...its gets to cody and stands on its hind legs and the cops put another cap in it and kill it....cody says...ok then im going to go to my room now and clean the crap out of my britches and you guys just take care of yogi...ok then cya...

how funny is that...



murtis out"

Math for Dummies.

Beautiful. San Francisco. Sweet Lord, Mona, you are right. Went to Sausalito for dinner tonite. Ate spring rolls and salmon at this little place on the water and watched all of the ships cutting in and out of the bay. Little curly ribbons of road wound tightly up the sides of the green mountains. It was impossibly beautiful. The smell of the air was salty, mingled with something else cedary and wonderful. Then we drove up the coast to Muir Woods, home of the giant Redwoods. Breathtaking. Dizzying to look to the tops of the massive trees. I felt at any second those things would come to life and say in a booming Lord of the Rings voice "The park closes at eight". Some of those trees are almost two thousand years old. Foggy, flowery, lush, named after the cookie. Sausalito. I will honeymoon there. Amazing.

Places usually don't affect me that much.

Even my flight out to SF was clear and I could see the country from 15,000 ft. Dry desert, green patches of irrigation, river-carved canyons, mountains that look like rumples in my bed sheets. It was like a painting. So beautiful. So just for me.

As I sat on the plane, I was reading "Mathematics: Is God Silent?"

The answer is most definitely no.

Katie's that I like.

I had the pleasure of listening to Katie sing at Koko and Fabs' wedding. MAN she wails. I always turn into this blubbering mass of emotion when she sings. It's really incredible. She is also one of the most beautiful people I've ever met.

Koko and Fabs are also ridiculously beautiful people. And when I say beautiful, I do mean it in the classic diamond commercial sense, but also in just the pure of heart sense. Never a fowl word have I ever heard either one utter, and I've never known a more graceful, humble pair of people. And good gravy they are so in sync with each other when playing any sort of team sport. They will just shred you to bits playing ultimate frisbee...

"Jealous, Party of One..? Jealous?"

Naw.. more like happy.

More things I like about my friends, and Monkey Lamps

Annie! Came over today and brought me food and a thermometer and cotton balls. Didn't even ask what the cotton balls were for. Annie! has a great laugh and is really really awesome. She is dating my good buddy Markus of the Willie!-file fame on this blog, and they are so stinking awesome. Wah hoo. I heart them both. Annie is her own person and exudes a confidence that is rare. She just is who she is and likes what she likes and makes no apology for any of it. She throws a javelin for crying out loud...c'mon that's flippin cool. She is also a volleyball stud and just wails on the leather. I dig it. No pun intended.

Ashley is one of those closet funny people. You would never know what funny stories this gal could tell you about corn. Ho ho. Cheers a sister right up. She also has this odd proclivity to KICK ASS as random recreational bar games. Like, seriously shes the the best bowler, dart thrower, coaster flipper, shuffle puck-er, pool.. She is so good and that stuff, that I almost hate her for it. Almost...
She is athletic and non-girly-girlish like me, but is really sensitive and sweet. Good mix to be, if you ask me. I'm a big Ash fan.

Pmurph is one of the funniest people God ever put on this earth. He never fails to tell me an off-color joke, or to laugh unjudgementally at mine. Flowers on a piano... heh. But this guy also has a really sweet mushy center that will jump out and suprise you every once in awhile. He wants to help people whenever he can, and shoot the bloke is flippin funny. He asks good questions and really listens when you answer. That is pretty rare.

His girlfriend KTLew is such a breath of fresh air. She is one of the most uninhibited Christians I have ever met, and I mean that in the awesomest way possible. I saw this strip down to her swimming suit in the middle of the nite and slip-n-slide in pig-tails and a blow up swimmy ring at a church retreat. It may have been the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I was like...what 23 year old is that comfotable with herself? It totally freed me up to stop taking myself so seriously and to just have some fun.

Sara is a gal who loves troublemakers. Maybe that's why we hit it off... She likes the at-risk kid and longs to teach them and help them. I love people who just want to give of themselves. I hate that I don't more. I love her spirit and the fact that she played lacrosse in college and wants to coach it. I love the fact that she works nites and the one time I was off during the day she came over to paint my new house with me just so we could get a chance to hang out. She blessed my house with me and DH and it was a moment that just meant the world to me.

Deana, gosh can't say enough about D. She couldn't help me move, but she brought over this cooler of drinks and some snacks for the people that were helping me. I was so amazed at this gesture of thoughtfulness. I didn't ask her to do that, she just did it. It was a god-send, the day couldn't have been any hotter. Thanks so much D-lovely.

Jeff, Julie, Stacey, Casey, DD, Lisa, Ashley, DHolley, D and Sara helped the three of us on moving day and they were all just angels. I definitely was a bit hormonal that day if you know what I mean, so maybe that's why I just wanted to cry all day, but I did just wanted to cry all day with overwhelmed thankfulness. I didn't ask a single one of these people to help, they just offered and I couldn't believe it. I deserved none of this. I have done nothing to merit such kindness, and can probably do nothing to pay back the horrible strain of moving 4 washers and dryers up from my basement. I just couldn't have done it without you guys. In retrospect, I probably could have rented a truck and some movers,(I've seen these guys and they can move full sized sofas on their heads like it's butter) but I didn't.

A special thanks also to Casey who gave me four nites in a row of the use of his truck, home depot nagivational skills, and power washer, then turned around and did the same thing for his sister Katie moving into her new house.

My parents came up last weekend and brought...sheesh... a whole plethora of lawn care apparatuses..apparati? aparteid...apoopoo. Whatever. A bunch of lawn care equipment, there we go. Mowed the grass, weedeated..(what on earth is wrong with me) weed-ate? Ran the weedeater? TRIMMED. Thanks.. yeah. They cut limbs down from around my power lines and pulled weeds, brought me my favorite piece of outdoor machinery of all time, that's right...my very own leaf-blower(Oh JOY), and a picnic table. They took a rat-nasty piece of carpet off my hands and took Schmusty and me to dinner twice.

Mamma murl found TWO MONKEY LAMPS!!! that I haven't seen yet, but that I can only hope remind me of these...
 

These lamps are reminicent of the time that I stole a monkey lamp from my colleauges house. He and his wife hosted our Christmas party two years ago, and I, under the cover of my co-conspirators, jacked this lamp out of his house right from under his nose, i put it up in my office for about two weeks until he came back and exclaimed with shock

George: "Now, THAT is REMARKABLE... It's JUST like mine"
Lindsey pauses with pained grimace on her face, waiting for the light to come on...
George: "Wait that is MY lamp? I didn't even notice!"
Lindsey: "I didn't figure you would..."

Anyway..it gave a nice warm glow to my cubicle that is normally bathed in eye-ball-sucking fluorescent white flickery light. I love monkey lamps, and now i have TWO of my own... but I digress...

Oh yeah. Oh yeah...I was praising my pals and thanking God for giving them to me and for blessing me so much beyond what I deserve. Scott Sauls said to me (well to the congregation at large..but it may as well have been to just me) "It's not the ugliness of sin that we should focus on, but the beauty of righeousness.. the attractiveness of sin and the pleasures and idols of this life can only melt away when you've been romanced by a better lover.."

The God of the universe has romanced me this week.

Whiny Sick-o

Man. I'm sick. I hate it. I'm the worst whiny patient ever too. I've got like monostreptococcusbacillusanthrax or something. Goo. I gotta stop lickin those doorknobs. Big white stripes on my throat and my lymph nodes are in an uproar. My immune system is in a state of anarchy. I will storm the gates of disease with 500mg of Keflex four times daily and I will regale myself to a diet of throat lozenges and popcicles. I don't have time to be sick.

I have to sand and paint things in my garage, and leaf blow things, and build things out of cans to feed the hungry. Not to mention work. I also just got internet access back (whether this is a good thing remains to be seen).

Will you just picture the little buggers, the little germs in my body, having parties, and breaking stuff, tossing cookies on the rug, 'Hey, I just cleaned that'. Pillaging and burninating my white blood cells. Blech.

Picture me all pathetic and achy, and feel bad for me, will ya?

Thanks.

I now have to leave here and go scrape crap off of the wall of my old apartment, aka, the kingdom of the tanlord from hell.

Tanlord:"Uh yeah can you just paint over those spots"
Me: "No, there is no paint left and I have no way to match it"
Tanlord: "Oh you know it was like.. a plum color'..

Thanks that helps...

Tanlord: "I'd have it done, but then I'd have to charge you..."

So I'm taking my swollen nodes over to scrape stickies off a wall and "match" a winey plummy red color of paint. Don't hate me because my life is so exciting. I can't help it.

Barriers to the Good News

You know I've been thinking about why I am not more open with my faith. Sometimes I feel like I lead two very confusing lives. One where I am but a guest here, a stranger in this world who doesn't understand hurt and pain and evil, who longs for home. A person who is sorrowful for people who are blind, whose heart breaks for people who are not aware that they are really beautiful creations.

And then I live in another world where I flip those jerks off in traffic.

It's sometimes too bad that my uglier side is just funnier.

But it worries me, because I don't want to be the flipper-off-er of people. I mean that figuratively, of course. But I want to be a person who just has love for people. Who doesn't get intimidated and feels the need to cut people down or withdraw my presence from them. I am free to love and free to screw up while doing it.

Man, lately I feel like a tangled up mass of sins and confusions, but at the same turn, I feel ok and less ashamed to be here. Because, To quote Beth Moore..."somebody say we're weird, y'all...we're just WEIRD!"

Tis true.

Show me normal. I'll show you dead.
Show me perfect. I'll show you a liar.
Show me broken. I'll show you happy to be fixed, and humble.

Very Blessed

Very Exhausted.
Very Vexed, as the shower doesn't work.
Still have paint on my feet.
Still smiling.

Captivating

 
Whoa girls. Gotta recommend this book to you. This is one of the best books I have ever read about women. It's by the chic who is married to John Eldridge the 'Sacred Romance/Journey of Desire/Wild at Heart' guy. And I gotta admit I was almost ashamed to buy it, but it is so good. I don't mind recommending it to ANYONE. That's why I'm blogging about it. It's cool, clean high-quality H20. It's a message that every woman needs to hear. I've heard it before only to forget it. I've seen women live by this and I've been captivated by them, jealous of them. It's been awhile since a book has made me cry. Please don't be scared off by the Christian bookstore heading, it will put words to that ache. You know the one, the one that says "I'm not enough" or "I'm too much." Dont speak, don't ask, don't offer, don't love.. there is only disappointment there.

I admit I get excited when I read about how much God loves me or I find out that another human loves me. I glow. I absolutely glow when I know that I'm cherished. Sure, God feels far sometimes. It's up to me, and the other people in our lives sometimes to help us see God better. This book spoke of women who are beautiful when their hearts are at rest, not when they are cloaked in fear and anxiety. Women who can't be enjoyed fully because they are constantly striving. It speaks of women at 75 who shine with peace and who in coming closer to God become more themselves, not less. More free. Less afraid.

It talks about the movies we love and the stories we love and how they resonate with us for a reason.

I've always wondered what Jesus meant about coming to give us life to the full. Wondered how we can do that living in a place where there are only rules. In a place where we constantly fall short, and are seemingly expected to live on crusts of bread, and water and suck it up and deal. Stop being a girl, cause girls are stupid.

Satan tricked Eve. I've heard mentors of mine talk about why he chose to trick Eve, I've heard because women are more easily deceived, because we are more likely to want to conrtol our own destinies, because we felt Adam wasn't doing his job, thus we were more likely to take the bait. But there is another reason. Satan tricked Eve because he hated her. He hated her because she took his job. Lucifer was the former commander of all the Angels and his job was to deliver the glory and praises to God, to display his beauty, to be his messenger. That may make no sense until you consider the nations most devoid of God, and most spiritually bonded, how they treat their women. As second class, as trash, only good for prostitution, covered from head to toe in black.

This hatred trickles down in other ways. As many attempts at religion do, we fall away from that which was intended, and Christian people everywhere try to make their women all about character and servitude. Read: Frumpy. We totally miss the Ruth's the Tamar's, the Esther's and the Rahab's. Those scandalous and holy women who had a part in the lineage of Christ, but probably wouldn't dare darken the doorways of our modern day churches. I think of the woman in scripture who was a known prostitute who worshiped Jesus by washing his feet with her perfume, and wiping it with her hair. (I haven't done that in a few weeks or so). He was pumped, the disciples were all... "Hmm.. Uh.. Jesus,... what is she doing?" (and before you send hate mail, no of course I'm not saying go be scandalous, nor are they, they are just challenging our definition of holiness).

I could continue this stream of consciousness for hours and not do it justice, so read it, read it, read it. Then let me know what you thought.

Amendment

Ok, So the closing is now the 27 tentatively. So I think we'll paint that day then move in on the 28th after anyone who wants to help gets off work.

Apologies for turning this into my personal day planner.

I guess, though, I can do with it whatever I want.

I'll make it my recipe book if I so desire.

1 Eye of newt...

By the way...anyone heard how Joaquin is doing in rehab?
Such a courageous chap.

Nevermind...

Not sure when the closing, thus the subsequent moving will take place, so you are all temporarily off the hook. Not like "off the hizzy" type off the hook, just the normal, you are no longer obligated.

But wait, I reconsider... yes... yes you are all indeed off the hizzy for shizzy.

But the Internet at home is off the hook, and I haven't been able to hook the keyboard up to my soul lately.

I know you are all hanging in the balance for the next installment of "What the Crap am I doing here?"

On a side note, I'm SUPER excited about the fundraiser my company is participating in. We have to build something out of canned food items and then it will get judged and donated to a charity. It may be my finest hour. The moment when me and 1000 cans of campbells soup make our mark on the world.

On the all-star cast is the frequently aforementioned co-worker Dave who once built a White Castle out of legos in a similar competition. Yes I mean White Castle, the home of the chicken pipes. (You know, where chicken rings come from).

Yep life is beautiful.

The best thing about the concept of blogging...

Is that I can ask for help and you can turn me down and I will never know it. Amy, Schmusty and I are moving in on June 25th at 10 am. If you want to help, we'd love to have it. No pressure, that's why I'm not sending out mass e-mail. If you can't, seriously no big deal and you can claim.. "I never read your blog" and kinda stare off into space as drool forms as the corner of your mouth.

Also I can invite you to my roomate Amy's birthday/"last-party-at-315-Charlene" this Saturday at 7 pm with no pressure to respond.

Isn't that great? Awkwardness. GONE.

That, I think is going to be my mission in life, to rid the world of awkward situations, one blog at a time.

Here it is..

For the few of you who haven't seen it already...
The House

Overheard...

....You don't have to correct it. You don't have to help them have faith. You don't have to heal them or be their Jesus. God will do all of that. All you have to do is walk the path with them and share the deepest parts of you. Yes, it makes you extremely vulnerable. Know what, though - in 50 years I can't think of a single person that I regret loving. Every single person that I've loved in my life has been WAY worth any pain they caused me, and I've had some pretty disasterous relationships....

"Who Froo Dat Ham?" Lady's Second Cousin?

Thanks Rachel for the story.

Which three of you needs a place?

The house we rent is now going to be vacant. If anyone knows of anyone who may be interested in a phat three bedroom two bath with a massive kitchen let me know. I'd love to give it to you in July, as I'm closing on my new house end of June. It's been a great place, I'd love to keep it in the family... and the landlord is tan. Spread the word.

To Seeing us as He Sees us.

With all the bad things about Christianity and the lack of followers of Jesus actually acting anything like him in this world, there are many reasons not to be a Christian. The name of Jesus is used in big ugly ways by people trying to get their way, has been and will continue to be.

But I think this small list is the beginning of my answer to the question "Why would anyone ever want to be a Christian?"

Or if you are a Christian and have ever asked the question "Who am I? Do I matter?"

If you have confessed with your mouth and believed in your heart, all of the following promises apply to you too:


I am forgiven all my sins and washed in the blood (Eph. 1:7)
I am a new creature (2 Cor. 5:17)
I am the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19)
I am delivered from the power of darkness and transformed into God's kingdom (Col. 1:13)
I am redeemed from the curse of the law (Gal. 3:13)
I am strong in the Lord (Eph. 6:10)
I am holy and without blame before Him (Eph. 1:4)
I am accepted in Christ (Eph. 1:6)
I am God's child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God which lives and abides forever (1 Pet. 1:23)
I am blessed (Deut. 28:1-14)
I am a saint (Rom. 1:7)
I am qualified to share in His inheritance (Col. 1:12)
I am the head and not the tail, I am above only and not beneath (Deut. 28:13)
I am victorious (Rev. 21:7)
I am dead to sin (Rom. 6:2)
I am elect (Col. 3:12)
I am loved with an everlasting love (Jer. 31:3)
I am established to the end (1 Cor. 1:8)
I am set free (Jn. 8:31-33)
I am circumcised with the circumcision made without hands. (Col. 2:11)
I am crucified with Christ (Gal. 2:20)
I am alive with Christ (Eph. 2:5)
I am raised up with Christ and seated in the heavenly places (Col. 2:12)
I am His faithful follower (Eph. 5:1)
I am the light of the world (Matt. 5:14)
I am the salt of the earth (Matt. 5:13)
I am called of God (2 Tim. 1:9)
I am brought near by the blood of Christ (Eph. 2:13)
I am more than a conqueror (Rom. 8:37)
I am in Christ Jesus by His doing (1Cor. 1:30)
I am an ambassador for Christ (2 Cor. 5:20)
I am beloved of God (1 Thess. 1:4)
I am the first fruits among His creation (James. 1:18)
I am born of God and the evil one does not touch me (1 Jn. 5:18)
I am a king and a priest unto God (Rev. 1:6)
I am a joint heir with Christ (Rom. 8:17)
I am reconciled to God (2 Cor. 5:18)
I am overtaken with Blessings (Deut. 28:2)
I am healed by the wounds of Jesus (1 Pet. 2:24)
I am in the world as He is in heaven (1 Jn. 4:17)
I am a fellow citizen with the saints of the household of God (Eph. 2:19)
I am sealed with the promise of the Holy Spirit (Eph. 1:13)
I am complete in Christ (Col. 2:10)
I am the apple of my Father's eye (Ps. 17:8)
I am free from condemnation (Rom. 8:1)
I am the righteousness of God through Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 5:21)
I am chosen (1 Thess. 1:4)
I am firmly rooted, built up, strengthened in the faith an overflowing with thankfulness (Col. 2:7)
I am a place kicker for the Dallas Cowboys. (Lin 2:21)
I am a disciple of Christ because I have love for others (Jn. 13:343-35)
I am built on the foundations of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus Himself as the chief cornerstone (Eph. 2:20)
I am a partaker of His divine nature (2 Pet. 1:4)
I am God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works (Eph. 2:10)
I am being changed into His image (Phil. 1:6)
I am one in Christ! Hallelujah! (Jn. 17:21-23)
I have all my needs met by God according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19)
I have the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16)
I have everlasting life (Jn. 6:47)
I have a guaranteed inheritance (Eph. 1:14)
I have abundant life (Jn. 10:10)
I have overcome the world (1 Jn. 5:4)
I have the peace of God which passes all understanding (Phil. 4:7)
I have access to the Father by on Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
I have received the power of the Holy Spirit: power to lay hands on the sick and see them recover; power to cast out demons; power over all the power of the enemy (Mk. 16:17)
I can to all things through Jesus Christ (Phil. 4:13)
I shall do even greater works than Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:13)
I walk in Christ Jesus (Col. 2:6)
I possess the Greater One in me because greater is He in me than he who is in the world (1 Jn. 4:4)
I press toward the goal for the prize of the high calling of God (Phil. 3:14)
I live by the law of the holy Spirit (Rom. 8:2)
I know God's voice (Jn. 10:14)
I show forth His praise (1 Pet. 2:9)
I always triumph in Christ (2 Cor. 2:14)
Christ is in me, the Hope of Glory! (Col.1:27)

Gosh, if we believed half of this was true, wouldn't our days look differently?

Accepted my Offer. Hooray!

I feel all accomplished, like I'm an actual grown up.

MIA

I have been so MIA lately. Not much real stuff from me lately. I'm under the gun on a project deadline and trying to buy a house. Trying to sleep too. Not having much luck. In a word, my bed sucks. Dusty said this morning that my door popped open and I was sleeping on my back with one leg crossed over the other in the air, knees bent like I was sitting at a desk or something. Anyone want to buy a bed? It's a pillow top. It was my first purchase in my real world life and it's been a thorn in my side ever since. I look forward to hotel beds. This year at the retreat my bunk bed was sweet hard solace. Really Lindsey, that's facinating.

I'm not very facinating. This is like one of those national public radio shows. And then...we did a show on raisins...yeah...raisins...

Anyway... say a praya, if you are a praya, that I would get through this deadline and be actually proud of it. And for no distractions. And that this blog would have something of interest on it sooner than later (that one is for you).

Cards win.